I'm Pregnant and His Fiancée Doesn't Know
Ask Demetria: The other woman wants to know whether it's time to blow the whistle.
I hadn't seen my ex in a year and a half. I ran into my ex 2 1/2 months ago; I am now 2 1/2 months pregnant. He is very supportive, and we are making plans for names. However, he has not told his fiancée yet. I know it's hard on him, since none of this was planned, and there's no easy way to tell her. He says he is trying to get the courage to tell her because he knows it's all over when he does.
Allow me to add, this is the second time we got pregnant. We were broken up, continued to have sex, but the pregnancy wasn't successful. His fiancée knew about it and left him. I don't want him back. Why would I want him after what he has done to someone he claims he loves so much? No, thank you. I will not be stepping in those shoes. Co-parenting is just fine. But I want to tell his fiancée now. I think the sooner the better. What do you think? --C.N.
I think your energy is best spent focusing on the well-being of the child you're carrying and preparing for his or her arrival.
The father of your child definitely should have told his fiancée by now. And you're right, there is no easy way to tell her, and the best way for her to find out is for him to tell her. "Remember C.N.? She's pregnant again. I'm the father, again," is as good as anything else.
Hopefully, for her, this will be the wake-up call she needs to leave her fiancé for good. He's proved that he's not ready to be anybody's husband and, furthermore, that he can't be trusted. But when he does or does not tell his fiancée is on him. She's his to deal with. Add her to the list of things that are none of your concern. You may be carrying his child, but that doesn't give you any clout in his relationship.
Also, let's not pretend that you're eager to let the clichéd cat out of the bag because of some sisterhood solidarity or because you think it's for the greater good. If you believed either of those concepts, you wouldn't have slept with your ex.
You say you don't want him, but your actions say otherwise. Out of all the willing people in the world to lay up with, for pleasure's sake, you chose him? You continued to have sex with him after you two broke up, knowing he had a girlfriend. You got pregnant by him a first time and then, after a lengthy separation, had sex with him again and became pregnant, still knowing that he was in a relationship.