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Of all my favorite white-people shows, Sex and the City has a special place in my heart. Wait, do I have to explain what I mean by “white-people shows”? Are people offended? Do I care? I don’t. Never mind. Let me get back to the topic at hand.

So, yes, I love Sex and the City, which was nothing but white people in New York City and the occasional racial-minority waitress, which means I am quite familiar with the one episode in which Carrie Bradshaw, who was annoying as hell more often than not, married herself in order to reject the needless and sexist shame placed upon single women. However, I didn’t take that episode as something to duplicate in real life. Unfortunately, a few folks have, and no one has had the heart to tell them they look the fool.

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As recently reported, apparently, there is a new term going around: “sologamists.” If you’re wondering, indeed, I think it sounds silly, too. In any event, 37-year-old Erika Anderson counts herself as one of these “sologamists” and explained its purpose with the following rationale: “I would describe it as women saying yes to themselves. It means that we are enough, even if we are not partnered with someone else.”

So, basically, she is single and fine with being single. Cool. But did that need a So So Def remix? Moreover, did it require a wedding ceremony, as Anderson recently held in Brooklyn, N.Y.? Spoiler: The answer is no, nah and hell no. Not only did she marry herself, however; she just took herself on a one-year anniversary trip to Mexico.

Yes, she took her fake marriage to herself on an anniversary trip. I’m all for solo endeavors like solo vacations and, in this instance, masturbation. However, while there ain’t nothing wrong with making it feel good, baby, it doesn’t require a special new name, beloveds.

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And because a white person has done some silly shit and gotten media attention for it, let some people tell it, the “movement has gone global and companies are trying to capitalize.”

Like, in Canada, there is something called Marry Yourself, which offers consulting and wedding photography for your fake-ass, solo-dolo wedding ceremonies. And there is also the San Francisco-based I Married Me. They sell kits, including a wedding band, daily-affirmation cards and vows.

I expect a lot of silliness from white folks ’cause they have much more disposable income than most. Now, when it comes to “the blacks,” I have a warning: Don’t you dare engage in this nonsense. Yes, as a member of Future Hive, I believe in the mantra that you do what you want when you popping. Even so, this is dumb and a waste of money.

I know someone is ready to pounce and accuse me of mansplaining. That ain’t it. In fact, I am a gay, so trust and believe like Keyshia Cole that I anticipate a few gays being allured by this self-indulgent spectacle, too, and probably leaning toward sending me (or someone I know) an Evite to their self-marriage ceremony. Trust and believe that I will mark them as spam in retaliation.

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It’s stupid no matter who does it. I boo-hiss anyone who would do this, and I am equally “What is wrong with you?” when it comes to this “movement.”

Look, it can be hard being single, and there are lots of pressures to couple up. I get it, y’all, I do. But again, this is dumb as fuck. It’s dumber than y’all’s president’s tweet. Pick a tweet. Any tweet. It’s dumber than that.

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You don’t need to marry yourself to prove you’re OK with being single. Just masturbate and ignore the world. Tell people to mind their damn business. Let people know that you’re “Okay” like Nivea about your lack of marriage certificate. Doing a self-marrying ceremony screams waste of money, I have too much time on my hands and I am a damn fool. Don’t be that fool.

There—I saved you on your future fake divorce settlement. You’re welcome.