Bum Rush the Show

Rush Limbaugh now owns Michael Steele. Now the president has a chance to own them both. All Obama needs to do is accept Rush’s invitation to come onto his show.

“Big mistake. Big. Huge.”

—Vivian (Julia Roberts)

RNC chairman Michael Steele is exactly wrong. He may be the de jure leader of the Republican Party, but conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh is the “de facto” leader.

Just as Limbaugh owns congressional Republicans like Rep. Phil Gingrey who are scared to differ with him lest their constituents hear them getting called out on the air, Limbaugh now owns Steele—like Master Reynolds owned Toby.

It’s all because Steele apologetically passed on a golden opportunity to spin his relatively innocuous remarks about Limbaugh on D.L. Hughley Breaks The News. He called him an “entertainer” and “incendiary” and had a chance to spark a war of words that would have made Steele at least the “de facto” leader of the forward-looking, grown-up wing of the Republican Party, at least the master of his fate and the captain of his black Republican soul.

It’s like that scene in Pretty Woman (you’ve seen it; stop frontin’...) where the Rodeo Drive saleswoman refuses to help Julia Roberts, only to find out the next day that she cost herself a sales commission bonanza. By critiquing, then apologizing to conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh, Michael Steele finds himself having made a big mistake. Huge.

Which is why President Barack Obama should take Limbaugh up on his challenge (pronounced with a faux French, “chal-lenge!”) to “debate” Limbaugh on his radio show. All Obama has to do is show up and be himself. By the time it’s all over, Obama will own Limbaugh, Steele and the rest of the GOP that has kowtowed to Limbaugh over the last several weeks.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a “debate” with starched white shirts, lecterns and Jim Lehrer. After all, Limbaugh isn’t running for anything—and at the moment, neither is Obama.

Here’s a preview of how it might go.

RUSH: Greetings, Dittoheads. Today, the president of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama, joins us in the studio. Mr. President, thanks for joining me on the E.I.B. network.

POTUS: Thanks for having me, Rush. Your set-up here is much comfier than 60 Minutes or Meet The Press. I’ve got about 30 minutes before I have to get back to being in charge and whatnot, so what have you got for me?

RUSH: Well, for starters, do you have a problem with me saying, “I hope he fails” in regard to your domestic agenda?

POTUS: Not really. That was good bulletin-board material for my staff when we were trying to lock down votes for the stimulus package. I had your quote up in big font like the sign that says “Play Like A Champion Today” in Notre Dame’s locker room. Worked like a charm. Put seven points on the board for Team O—as in hundred billion.

RUSH: OK, but from my point of view, you’re socializing our economy instead of letting the market sort things out. That’s un-American.

POTUS: Rush, if you want to kick down a couple million to help out your neighbors in South Florida who owe 105 percent of the purchase price on their houses, holler at a brother.

RUSH: I’ll give that some thought. So, let’s cut to the chase—where were you born?

POTUS: Right here in the good ol’ U.S.A.—same place you did your drug rehab.

RUSH: Um, yeah. Well, what about when Rick Warren asked you about abortion, and you said that the question was, “above your pay grade”?

POTUS: You see, Rush, what I was trying to get across was that as a Christian, I believe that the Lord Jesus is my personal savior, that I try, even as president, to be humble and prayerful, and that although I have a constitutional duty to uphold the law of the land, which includes a woman’s right to choose, I don’t presume to possess divine wisdom.

RUSH: Fair enough. What are you going to do about Afghanistan?

POTUS: Glad you brought that up. We’re going to turn our focus to Afghanistan, and the Taliban will either get down or get put down. It’s pretty much their choice. We got guns.

RUSH: Do you acknowledge that maybe the Iraq surge was a good idea after all?

POTUS: Our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines have done a great job in Iraq. I acknowledge that under President Bush, it got so bad there was nowhere to go but up.

RUSH: Alrighty, then. Do you have any questions for me?

POTUS: I’m good. If there’s about 10 or 15 minutes left, why don’t we take some calls ... then I have to jet, ‘cause we’re meeting the Bidens at Ruth’s Chris tonight.

RUSH: OK, we’ll be right back with some calls after the break.

David Swerdlick is a regular contributor to The Root.