The Other Pride Parade

It's fine to celebrate heterosexuality, just be straight about your intentions.

You've never been ostracized and excluded from mainstream society. Your basic human rights were never stripped of you, and you've likely enjoyed a life free of death threats. Still, you believe you've been ignored for far too long, and now your time has come. Here is your moment to look back at the people who have not rebuked your way of life and say, "I'm still here; I'm not queer; get used to it."

Get ready for the Straight Pride Parade, y'all. On August 31, a sea of straight rights' activists will gather along the streets of Brooklyn to champion their understood way of life. The Straight Pride Parade is organized by the reggae record label, TCOOO. Organizers say the parade offers "a chance for heterosexuals to gather together and proudly embrace their sexuality."

I had no idea heterosexuals were living in such turmoil.

Gay rights activistshave branded the parade as nothing more than another form of gay bashing under the guise of a display of heterosexual pride. This isn't the first time the record label has been accused of homophobia. TCOOO's roster includes several musicians that have verbally attacked gays in their music.

The idea for the Straight Pride Parade came about after the banning of the song, "Hit Them Hard" by TCOOO artist, Stapler. TCOOO claims the song is nothing more than a jingle championing family and the importance of male and female relationships.

A sample lyric: "Gonna hit them hard/All the men who visit men backyard/Leaving all the women to starve/One thunder ball and all of them pause."

Right. That's much, much different from Klan members threatening mixed-race couples with hangings. The singer just wants to show his lady how much he values her and their family. Just like I show my vegetarian friends how much I value their lifestyle by threatening them with fatback.

The event itself will coincide with the Brooklyn West Indian Carnival. While organizers of the carnival have distanced themselves from the Straight Pride Parade, the event will be witnessed by a number of carnival-goers.

Of course, everyone should have the fundamental right to say what they feel no matter how hateful, ignorant and backward it is. But if you're going to plan something in reaction to a decision you don't agree with, at least be forthright about the real reasons behind it.

The irony in all of this is that for many gay bashers, their biggest gripe against gays is that they wear their sexuality on their sleeves. Yet in response to that, TCOOO is organizing a parade solely based on sexuality.

But, you know what, let me play along and pretend this is more about pride than it is a tit for tat. If any of you plan to make your way over to the Eastern Parkway to join in the festivities, here are a few chants you can use as you march:

"X and Y, our love won't die!"

"Gays are chic, but straights can't be beat!"

Meanwhile, as your feet move across the streets of Brooklyn forgetting the fact that everyday is a Straight Pride Parade, I'll be at home chanting, "Gays are this, straights are that, but attention whores are where it's at!"

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated freelance writer and blogger.