Palin and McCain Dun Got 'Em, Boss

The GOP's race-baiting tactics have even Buckwheat and Kingfish shaking their heads.

The big doings on the presidential campaign trail prompted Jack White, a regular contributor to The Root, to revisit his favorite satirical playground, the fictional home for Retired Racial Stereotypes. He listens as famously-clichéd characters from yesteryear sally forth to battle racial stupidity. Here is White's report...

I found Buckwheat staring into his laptop in the oak-paneled library of the Home for Retired Racial Stereotypes. He had a woeful look on his face.

"Why so sad?" I inquired.

The famous Our Gang character emitted a mournful squeak.

"Here I is, Brudder White, feelin' blue cuz dis here Prezeedent'ul campaign startin' to 'mind me of a line from dat ole Chubby Checker song, De Limbo Rock: how low kin you go?"

"I'm not sure I follow you," I interjected.

"Well," Buckwheat continued, "I fig'ud dat I dun seen 'bout everythin' when I seen de 'publicans turn a pregnant teenajuh 'n' huh baby daddy inter 'xampuls of healthy fam'ly values."

"You mean Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, and her boyfriend, Levi, who appeared at last week's Republican Convention" I said. "They're planning to get married."

"Yeah, dem," Buckwheat continued. "Kin you imagin' de hootin' 'n' hollerin' dem 'publicans wudder done if dat been one of Obama's kids? Dey sure wudn't have called her a chile of God!"

"I agree," I said.

"Bud dat ain't der thing dat got me so low," Buckwheat moaned. "It's dis new teller-vision ad John McCain dun started."

"I don't think I've seen it," I said.

"Well, it says dat Obama wants ter teach sex education to kindergarten chil'run befoe dey even lerns ter read," Buckwheat declared, with rising indignation.

"Dis ad is as bad as de Willie Horton spot de 'publicans used on Dukakis. It's as bad as dat commer'shul wid that horny white woman de Republicans ran ter beat Harold Ford when he ran fer de Senate down dere in Tennessee.

"Dey tryin' to make Obama seem like a lib'rul nut 'n' a child molester 'sted of a lovin' father 'n' family man! It's a damn lie."

Just then, the Kingfish walked in, waving a copy of The New York Times.

"Holy Mack'rul dere, Brudder Buckwheat," intoned the notorious con man from The Amos 'N' Andy Show. "Dese here Republicans be de greatest magicians since Houdini. Dey done made George Bush disappear!

"Dey got ev'rybody talkin' 'bout abortion, gay marriage 'n' Wal-Mart moms 'stead of de economy 'n' de' war.

"Dey calls dat using wedge issues. I calls it the okey-doke."

"Surely you don't think most voters will fall for such a transparent political ploy," I said.

"Why not?" scoffed Kingfish. "Dey been fallin' fer dis here flim-flam in almost ev'ry 'lection since 1968."

"Dat's de real reason McCain dun picked Palin, ter change de subject. Dey wants Obama to spend his time 'splainin' what a community organizer duz 'stead of talkin' 'bout high gas prices , de housin' crisis, global warmin' or de mess in Iraq."

"Sad but true," moaned Buckwheat. "Judgin' from de 'publicans' speeches, you'd think Dukakis, Gore 'n' Kerry been responsible fer runnin' the country inter de ground 'stead of Bush 'n' Cheney."

"So what should Obama do about it?" I asked.

"Well, Obama gotta fight back," Buckwheat declared emphatically. "He gotta fight fire wid fire! He gotta call a lie a lie! He gotta call a spade a spade!"

"Well, I'se not so sure 'bout dat last one," mused the Kingfish. "If he call a spade a spade, McCain wud prob'ly 'cuse him of playin' de race card."

Jack White is a regular contributor to The Root.