I'm afraid the truth is out of the bag.  Hold on to your laptops, iphones and Blackberries.  Obama was seen holding a blue lightsaber in front of the White House [see attached photo].  The same lightsaber used by a Jedi to fight off enemy blaster bolts in a Star Wars movie.  There is no doubt, in my suspicious and paranoid mind, that President Barack Hussein Obama is a socialist and, worse, he subscribes to a belief in extraterrestrials.  Sweet God, help us.  I would suggest for every Tea Party Patriot, right-winger, evangelist, healthcare naysayer, Joe Wilson advocate, and any other general pooh-pooher, to find the closet bomb shelter, or Wal-Mart [whichever provides an ample amount of weaponry and tasty non-perishables] and take cover.

This is it, y'all.  Everyone knows that when a president, particularly a black president, picks up a lightsaber it means he believes in faraway galaxies.  It means if he holds that lightsaber high enough millions of Jedis will come to earth and insert microchips beneath the skin of every American.  It means within days every American will, oh my God oh my God, acquiesce to a socialist way of living where the elderly are left for the vultures, and here's the worse of the worse: every American... are you ready... every American will turn BLAAAACKKK. Which means what?  We'll all be stuck in a perpetual cycle of racial profiling... each other.

The real truth is Obama was doing a photo op to promote Chicago's bid for the 2016 Olympics, but what sane American wants to believe that. 
Take shelter, folks!

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Keith Josef Adkins is an award-winning playwright, screenwriter and social commentator.