Beige in America

Will multiracial maven Soledad O’Brien ever do a prime-time report on her own people?

Come on, Soledad.

We’re about to see our second “Black in America” series in two years, and it’s only fair to surmise that after the way Judge Sonia Sotomayor’s confirmation hearings went down, plans for “Brown in America” will soon be underway. But before you start production on "Brown" or start making plans for “Black in America 3,” consider setting aside a prime-time slot next summer to cover your people.

You know what I’m talking about, homegirl.

Why hasn’t this happened yet? You already got to do “Black 2”—a do-over of your widely viewed but slightly less than comprehensive “Black 1.” But don’t you feel like “black” is sort of 2008? The real hotness for ’09 is the new basic beige. Consider this...

Blake Griffin was the NBA’s top draft pick—he’s biracial and his parents are set to take over for the Jeters as the most fawned over mom and dad in sports. The next tween pop sensation could be Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris, who’s also biracial (as far as you know ...). And Tiger Woods has two biracial kids—half Swedish, half Cablinasian.

Jamaica’s already had three or four biracial prime ministers—depending on how you count, last year Botswana got its first biracial president, Ian Khama, Jordan’s King Abdullah II is biracial and so is his pal, Barack Hussein Obama II, the president of the United States.

This year’s most hard-hitting relationship advice was served up by Jenée Desmond-Harris and yours truly—and we’re both biracial. Seriously, Soledad, once upon a time you hosted a show on MSNBC called Morning Blend. So if this isn’t enough for beige nation to get a prime-time CNN special, what is?

If you’re in need of inspiration, I’ve got a few segments in mind:

Frederick Douglass

How the “Lion of Anacostia”—famed biracial abolitionist, orator, publisher and civic leader—originated the fluffy, misshapen halfro.

Checking the Box

We’d meet high school senior Jamal Schwartz-Madrigal, one-quarter black, one-quarter Jewish, and one-half Filipino, and watch him fill out his first college application, checking “Asian” and “black (not Hispanic)” before noticing that the form says “choose only one”—then checking “other” and writing in “all of the above.” If that’s not real-life drama, what is?

Mariah at 40

It’s a special segment where the doña, Danzy Senna, interviews the diva, Mariah Carey, on her reflections as she approaches one of life’s milestones. With a revival of her ongoing war of words with rumored ex-lover Eminem, Mariah could tell us how after years of romancing white men on screen, she finally found true love with Nick Cannon—even if she still prefers casting the crossover test-marketed Wentworth Miller in her videos.

Baby Gap

An undercover report on the secret retail underworld where modeling agencies fight over the signing rights for the most racially ambiguous kids they can find to sell designer onesies.

Shia LaBeouf

He has to be related to Sabrina Le Beauf—right?

The Muley Awards

Move over NAACP Image Awards, BET Awards and ALMA Awards—here comes The Muley Awards—recognizing multiracial excellence and hosted by Hines Ward and Vanessa Hudgens. Presenters will include Slash, Jordin Sparks, Norah Jones and George P. Bush. The lifetime achievement Muley goes to Jennifer Beals, and the Muley award for best biracial comedy performance goes to...

For real, Soledad, we’ve seen you strolling intently through inner cities and the Deep South. Why not follow the beige youth through the gritty streets of Brooklyn Heights, West Seattle and North Oakland? Examine how Obama and D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty are making Chocolate City the “Milk Chocolate City.” Do a sit down with the American Prospect’s Adam Serwer on “blogging while beige” or a behind-the-scenes look at why the NAACP, under the leadership of its biracial president, Benjamin Jealous, might start calling itself the “National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People.”

And if you need any help with putting “Beige in America” together, you can always turn to Eurasian, er, Amerasian, um, I mean, your hapa CNN sister Betty Nguyen, who’s already done a segment on her folks. It’s time to embrace your roots and put your Celtic-Castilian name behind the definitive six-hour, in-depth report on multiracial Americans: “Beige in America—A story of mulattos, mixtures and mistaken identities.”

David Swerdlick is a regular contributor to The Root. Follow him on Twitter.