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Recently on her daytime talk show, Wendy Williams repeated a fable that the very pregnant, due-anytime-now mother of all mothers, Beyoncé, had banned her father from the delivery room.

I love Wendy Williams, Lord knows I do, but if you’ve been listening to her since the days of her radio show, The Wendy Williams Experience, you know damn well that Mrs. Hunter is often fed information from the most ridiculous and typically totally unbelievable media outlets. However, because her show is so popular, and her audience as gullible enough to fall for alternative facts as much of the electorate, Mathew Knowles felt compelled to respond.

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Papa Knowles did not send a lengthy fax to The Wendy Williams Show like he was Aretha Franklin. No, no. Beyoncé and Solange’s pappy kept it local and spoke with Houston’s Fox News 26 anchor Jonathan Martin to let these fools know that he’s not going to get jumped by Tina Knowles, her new husband, Richard Lawson, and a spare Beyoncé cousin at the hospital if he shows up to see his baby deliver more grandbabies.

Knowles explained that contrary to what some would say, he communicates with Beyoncé and Solange weekly. Though it may have seemed like a bit of a case of doing the most, Knowles also showed Martin actual texts from Beyoncé. Texts like, “Just thinking of you. I miss you. I love and appreciate you.”

I’m actually surprised that anyone is allowed to do this. Sure, Mathew Knowles gave Beyoncé life, but Beyoncé’s life is very guarded from the rest of the world. Then again, if I got a text from Beyoncé, I’d show y’all’s asses, too, unless she made me sign a nondisclosure agreement.

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After settling that urban myth, Knowles also tackled comparisons to the legendary patriarch of the Jackson clan, Joe Jackson. I feel like I’ve heard Knowles smack-smack-smack those comparisons away years ago, but nevertheless, he explained: “You can’t equate me to Joe Jackson. I never hit my kid. I’m educated. I understand the business world.”

This is a read of Papa Joe, but since I can’t spot the lie, I’m going to move forward.

As for Solange, Knowles said he was oh so proud of her—maybe even the most—because she refused to be the pop star he and the label tried to mold her into, yet managed to find success all the same. That is so sweet. And shit.

Y’all, obviously, Mathew Knowles pissed his daughters off with those stories of thotting and making babies with women not named Tina Knowles Lawson, but of course, Beyoncé still speaks to her daddy. It’s her father. She’s Southern. She might’ve cursed him out once or thrice, but she’s not going to revoke his text-messaging privileges or say, “I’ll choke you with the umbilical cord if you come ’round me after my water breaks.”

Let it go.

Finally—and pull your screens closer because this is important and frightening—Knowles says he is working on a stage play based on the story of Destiny’s Child from his perspective. Guess who is supposed to play Mathew Knowles? Idris Elba, so Blue Ivy’s pop-pop claims.

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Do we think Idris Elba and Mathew Knowles favor? Do we want the story of Destiny’s Child to come by way of a stage play overseas that may eventually come stateside if it makes some money?

Obviously, since Knowles owns the name, he doesn’t really give a damn what we say, but you know, I thought I would ask y’all. Regardless, my feelings are as follows: No, no, no. Parts 1 and 2.