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  Posted By:
  sdickerson at 07/12/2008 6:42:52 PM
  Comment:
  One major issue that us african americans or black people have is that we seem to always seperate ourselves from the rest of the world as if we are different... wellllll... wake up, that is not true we are just like everyone else black men and white men are more alike that people want to believe. white men have been traveling for years finding that dream in tropical place. Black men of means have as well traveled looking for the gooooood time, they are just not getting at home or in the states in general. it is all about fun and personal enjoyment, nothing more. let it go!
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  Posted By:
  tdb1st at 07/10/2008 2:34:46 PM
  Comment:
  Lust, plain and simple. Paint it anyway you want to but this is a perfect example of men out of control. A man without rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls.
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  Posted By:
  cmanbrazil at 07/08/2008 8:04:14 AM
  Comment:
  I like the mantle man chapter as well. I think there are a lot of expectations put on African American men in the middle class that either we can't, or don't want to meet. There is a lot of pressure put on men in a patriarchal society. What I find funny about this chapter, is the conception that Brazilian women are somehow more understanding of an African American mans struggle then African American women. As a brotha married to a Brazilian woman, who about ten minutes ago just created a second job for me, I find it hilarious. Brazil doesn't have welfare, people hustle to grow, and don't look kindly on whiners mad that life is a struggle. I interact a lot with the Brazilian community in my city, and get energized by their expectations of themselves, even when they are not here legally. They don't get caught up in a sense of entitlement, just like a lot of other foreign people coming to the U.S.
  To close, I think the book does a good job at sparking discussion, I just hope people will have conversations instead of talking "at" one another. Personally, I also hope people focus on other aspects of Brazil. It is such a rich country, full of Black folks, culture, oppression, liberation, and everything else. Many African Americans go to Bahia for its rich cultural experience, and build good friendships. I also think it is okay for African American's to learn from other cultures, like so many have learned from us over the years. I know my work ethic has grown after interacting with the Brazilian community in my city. I also learn from African's and others who come to the U.S. and do a better job economically than many Americans of any race do.
  
  
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  Posted By:
  cmanbrazil at 07/08/2008 8:03:52 AM
  Comment:
  I liked the chapters that dealt with some of the gender confusion African American men have with African American women -have been through some of them- and how it causes a lot of frustration amongst brotha's. I think if anything, it is hard for some African American men to find their voice -outside of locker rooms- about their gender issues with African American women. It is more than just sex. It's the whole role issue of who is supposed to do what in a relationship. I think the projection of femininity put on prostitutes who are getting paid to provide an illusion is about as much of a stretch as looking to pornography to define what sex in a relationship is supposed to be like.
  The weight issue is deep. Again, there aren't many legitimate forums to discuss these issues without getting bashed for being insensitive. However, the weight of your significant other is an issue. If it is an issue for African American women, then logically, their partners are going to have an issue as well. I think what the book shows to me is that when people don't discuss what they feel openly, it gets dealt with inappropriately. The issue for all African Americans is to take care of ourselves better, including dealing with our weight.
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  Posted By:
  cmanbrazil at 07/08/2008 8:03:09 AM
  Comment:
  I really enjoyed reading the book. The book talks about the frustrations of some African American men in the middle class, and how this plays out in their trips to Brazil and interaction with Brazilian prostitutes. All of the issues that were laid out in the book aren't mine, but even if they aren't, I can remember those points being discussion points when hanging out with some of my friends. I like how the book was written, easy to digest and not lost in a bunch of academic terminology. I think that his writing style will get a lot more people to read it.
  The question of are Black women necessary is an interesting one. As an African American man who has been to "Copa" -Copacabana in Rio, I like how Woods' dealt with the contrast between the dream created in Copa and the reality lived in the U.S. What I like best is the issue at hand for many African American men, which is to come home to a safe environment, where they feel respected for the battles they fight everday. I think it is pretty acceptable in a lot of literature to explore African American women's needs, but what about the Brotha's. I know "Copa" is fake, but what is real is that many African American men are looking for things they are just not getting.
  The Chapter just drinking and sexing is real accurate about the "Copa" experience. I can't say Brazil experience, because Copa is a tourist area, which caters to foreigners. If you move into other areas of the city, or other cities in Brazil, the experience is different, and in my view much better -or real. The quotes from the men who have went do good job of describing how intoxicating the experience is, and the type of impression it leaves on some of the men who experience it. I also like how it describes how African American men treat one another there. In Copa, for the most part, there is no fighting, no disrespect, and you can find guys who may not interact otherwise, having good conversations with one another. The Hip Hop and porn issues are interesting. I liked how Woods, through the stories of the guys, explored how men in Brazil were defining their own sexuality, and then in turn, questioned the validity of it.
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  Posted By:
  JrzGrl at 07/07/2008 5:56:09 PM
  Comment:
  I'm totally failing to see how this is remotely a "black" issue. I know two white guys who married chicks from Eastern Europe, and a friend of mine is just back from the Philippines where there is a disturbing number of old Germans and other Europeans married to attractive young Philippine women. This is just the typical developed world, overprivileged relationship power politics. Insecure people in the Western world feel the need to be special and cannot accept a relationship of equals, so they go and wave their dollars in another country where sex and marriage are issues of survival and sometimes commerce, not necessarily pleasure and emotional fulfillment.
  
  There are always the guys who say American women (black or white) are bossy, self-centered and materialistic and shallow and that's why they go overseas - yet from what I can tell, they're not exactly picking these women for their inner beauty, since they're all uniformly knockouts. And these women are just as materialistic as American women - it just manifests differently.
  
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    Posted By:
    Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/08/2008 6:04:20 PM
    Comment:
    Wood and Hunter do not argue that it is a specifically black issue. They DO argue that the implications of black men doing this are different from the implications of white men doing this.
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  Posted By:
  ginsu at 07/07/2008 5:35:16 PM
  Comment:
  the only black dude i know who did this was an overweight uber geek that would save his $ and visit thailand every year. he seemed really immature for his age and socially akward. i guess it was worth it for him to live a fantasy for a few weeks a years.
  
  relationships are hard work. daily frustrations can impact romance. so i can see why some people buy into the escapist fantasy of cheap exotic hookers. its something that crosses gender and ethnic lines.
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    Posted By:
    Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/07/2008 6:48:02 PM
    Comment:
    Sorry to contradict your experience, Ginsu, but when I go to Help, the men are - if anything - slightly better looking, more well groomed and more sociable than your average American guy. The idea that these men are ??berlosers who pay because they can't otherwise get any play, while it may be comforting, is a myth.
    
    These guys are basically the boys next door, folks, and this fact should be telling us something about masculinity. What, I don't know.
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      Posted By:
      walter at 07/08/2008 3:46:52 PM
      Comment:
      What it says to me is that this is all about power-an idealized notion of what a woman should be in the relationship. And how this is a black male issue is still lost on me.
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  Posted By:
  Typhoon McGoon at 07/07/2008 5:02:17 PM
  Comment:
  I think that this story would make even more sense if all the racial stuff was thrown out. Black, white, whatever, makes little difference when it comes to American women. American women, compared to their foreign counterparts, are often hyper-materialistic, selfish little mercenaries. Their motto is "what have you done for me lately." They usually believe that they are privileged (and spoiled) princesses, and that any man that they deign to notice should grovel at the honor and immediately hand her his Visa gold card so that she may max out his credit limit. Expect no respect from American women, 40 years of anti-male politically-correct feminazism has taught them that men are drones to be used, emasculated, and discarded, preferably with the women taking all of the man's possessions in the end and feeling only satisfaction, not guilt. How does the song go? "I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke ***."
  
  It's no big mystery why American men favor foreign women, and you know what? The foreign women like American men too. American men treat women with respect and courtesy that foreign men lack. It really is a much better match.
  
  A lot of the comments here seem to make the assumption that these men are using foreign prostitutes. I didn't get that impression from the story.
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    Posted By:
    Patra at 07/08/2008 3:20:42 PM
    Comment:
    What woman in her right mind would want a broke man?? Both my parents (esp. my dad) raised me to believe that a broke (my definition of "broke" is a man who is financially unstable, has no concept of how to manage money, thus he may make a very good salary but due to mismanagement of his money, is always in financial dire straits) man is a liability (the filip side is that I was also raised to believe that a woman who could not keep a clean house, cook, etc. wasn't exactly an asset to a man, either). My definition of "broke" isn't about HOW much money you make, but how you manage it, and make it grow. I married a man who was not only not broke, but taught me a thing or two about money management. I never would have married a man who was financially irresponsible.
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    Posted By:
    Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/07/2008 6:45:38 PM
    Comment:
    Typhoon, let's assume you're correct. Let's assume American women are man-hating, gold-digging bitches who are completely out for themselves.
    
    So the solution is thus to go to a foreign country's red-light district because prostitutes are known for their hearts fo gold...?
    
    Naw. I don't buy it. I have plenty of friends who are prostitutes and NONE of them is going to be having sex with a foreign John simply because they are into man pleasing. Most of them are highly ambitious and are probably what you call "feminists", if by "feminist" you mean "not very impressed with men and willing and able to do without them on an emotional level".
    
    So if these guys are running because American women are so bad, it's very odd, to me, that they run to women who are certainly not nourishing little sex-kitten / earth-mommas.
    
    There's a reason that the nickname for prostitutes in Brazil is "piranha". Nothing against the pros, mind you, but they aren't doing what they do because they are trying to recapture some soft 'n cuddly pre-feminism femininity.
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  Posted By:
  walter at 07/07/2008 3:21:16 PM
  Comment:
  Frankly I'm baffled by the review-this is a "hot topic" that has been discussed in magazines? How Stedman Got His Groove Back? Outside of how poorly written and nonsensical this review was, this is yet another man bites dog story. Move on, nothing to see here, men with disposable income buy some love they can't get at home. Where's the beef?
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  Posted By:
  bresnik at 07/07/2008 2:45:27 PM
  Comment:
  Haven't read the book but from the review what popped out to me was that here was another example of what happens when men and women don't get what they need from each other, namely (and generally), men are keenly interested in being respected, women in being loved and cared about. Whenever these things do not take place in a relationship, it suffers. Love doesn't mean doing for your loved one only those things you like to do (and I'm not talking about sexual favors - I'm talking about what is really hard, like overcoming one's pride and submitting one's will, and life, for another. In other words, putting others first; a very very difficult thing to do - and often a thankless task. But tis the only real long-term satisfactory "solution"). This ain't news. Just news we all dread embracing.
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  Posted By:
  bresnik at 07/07/2008 2:40:41 PM
  Comment:
  Haven't read the book but from the review what popped out to me was that here was another example of what happens when men and women don't get what they need from each other, namely (and generally), men are keenly interested in being respected, women in being loved and cared about. Whenever these things do not take place in a relationship, it suffers. Love doesn't mean doing for your loved one only those things you like to do (and I'm not talking about sexual favors - I'm talking about what is really hard, like overcoming one's pride and submitting one's will, and life, for another. In other words, putting others first; a very very difficult thing to do - and often a thankless task. But tis the only real long-term satisfactory "solution").
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    Posted By:
    BlackStocking at 07/07/2008 5:25:43 PM
    Comment:
    I concur. The task of humbling oneself in a long-term relationship is a thankless task. But it is not about being thanked. It is about waking up each day and doing your best to uplift your partner/spouse. To lighten their load. To make their day better. To be the shelter in the storm. Yeah, corny but true.
    
    You cannot curse out your husband and expect him to respect himself or you. You cannot cheat on and lie to your wife and expect her to honor herself or you. This is not a foreign vs. american thing, or the fault of feminism. The cult of me, me, me has poisoned American culture. I have seen many 'foreign' women learn to treat American men in disrespectful ways too.
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  Posted By:
  feminista at 07/07/2008 1:51:34 PM
  Comment:
  As a black feminist i actually read the book and i thought it was fascinating and frustrating at the same time. Men and women should read the book and come to their own decisions and not just project their own attitudes and opinions which does not lead to healing which is what i think the book was trying to do. Just a thought.
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  Posted By:
  Realist at 07/07/2008 1:24:26 PM
  Comment:
  Gee and I thought brothers who were unhappy with black women just went on to white women...or hispanic...or asian...and this isn't just about black men looking for their groove...it's about the character of men white, black, hispanic...etc...who lack self-esteem and values because that's what is at the heart of cheeting and cheap sex...and boys women are no better because while you're out getting your grove on...so are your gals...Women are just a little more sneaking and discrete...and if you don't tell I won't
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  Posted By:
  ju.silva at 07/07/2008 1:22:24 PM
  Comment:
  As a brasilian white woman I must say that the sexual tourism you find in my country is not limited to black men and women. The writer and the critic should take a broader perspective on the matter.
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    Posted By:
    Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/07/2008 3:33:35 PM
    Comment:
    Ju, you are quite correct that the massive majority of sex tourists in Brazil are white. However, the authors of this book aren't writing about sex tourism in Brazil: they are writing about why African American men go in for this thing and why, when they do, many of them go to Brazil. So their relatively narrow focus is quite justified, given their analytical cut.
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  Posted By:
  MWiggins at 07/07/2008 12:42:35 PM
  Comment:
  How is this different from the scores of white men who travelled (and still do) abroad for sex with Asian or Eastern European women and/or take them as brides because American women don't know how to make a man feel good about himself? It is a very old song.
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  Posted By:
  MWiggins at 07/07/2008 12:41:08 PM
  Comment:
  How different is this in many ways to the white men who would travel abroad for sex with Asian or Eastern European women and/or who have mail order brides because American women don't make them feel like men?
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  Posted By:
  FlameThrower at 07/07/2008 12:40:37 PM
  Comment:
  The book is complete and utter garbage, written by an author with an agenda. Clearly his market is black women who want to perpetuate feelings of victimhood. Women who can't satisfy their man's needs should get to the gym, work on their wardrobe, and learn the skills that please men in bed.
  
  Black men are a drop in the bucket in the sex tourism business. It is insulting to portray it as a "black thing" when white men from Europe and America have been engaging in this activity for decades. Brazil and Cuba are full of white Europeans on the prowl.
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  Posted By:
  3rdChild at 07/07/2008 12:28:03 PM
  Comment:
  I lost the point of the article somewhere in the beginning. Is this articles goal to flesh out the purpose of the the book or to critique the content. The underlying issue for me as a married black man is the isolation that comes with being married to a black woman. There is definitive empahsis placed on suffering through the moods and changes of the black woman. There is also the trivial arguments about who can and cannot be "a friend". Lastly, there is the incredible "ego" of the American black woman. Its growth, once started, cannot be contained by the simplicity of "man thinking". For all men the need to feel important and needed in their own home is the foundation for life success. But, in this day and age there is more emphasis on "please the black female or else". This new "rule" has left a lot of good black men wondering if they are just that. To this end black men have to get back to the business of being black men and if black women in America can't accept the downs that come with ups then I say to black men- Anchors Away!
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    Posted By:
    Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/07/2008 3:37:04 PM
    Comment:
    What's amusing to Brazilians, 3rd Child, is that these guys then come to Brazil. Why is it amusing for us? Because Brazilian women are not any more "man pleasing" than their American or European cousins. And if these guys are looking for love and want a family oriented, man-pleasing, non-ambitious, non-confrontational woman to love, well, they certainly aren't going to find many in the Copa red light district.
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  Posted By:
  Maggy at 07/07/2008 12:19:10 PM
  Comment:
  I have always defended web journalism and the proliferation of blogs. Now, after reading this dreadful article, I am not so sure. Where were your editors and copy editors when this article was submitted and published? Nothing in it stands up or makes sense. Logical links between sentences and paragraphs are non-existent.
  
  I think readers deserve an answer, or an apology.
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  Posted By:
  WassabiCracka at 07/07/2008 11:43:39 AM
  Comment:
  Hmmm, I guess the incorporated presumption is that there is a difference about why black men travel abroad for sex than why white men travel abroad for sex. As a white male, I had always just assumed it was to get "guilt/hassle free" sex. Sex without the complaints about undone household chores, family participation, etc. Plain and simple. Thus, I always considered such behavior a cop out for mentally weak phuk-tards trying to rationalize away their duty to family. It's not like chix in Rio bang better than American chix, they just do it with an air to "customer service." These are the same guys that hang out at hooters, they need that blatant - if not fake - ego stroking. If you're ego needs stroking then you lack self-confidence. Why would a black man in America lack self-confidence (hint, this is a rhetorical question)?
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  Posted By:
  georgesands at 07/07/2008 9:46:31 AM
  Comment:
  Am I the only one who noticed that this article cries out for an editor? Pronoun inconsistency is the most obvious problem, but the most serious problem is that it leaps from assertion to assertion in each new pargraph without fleshing out any single idea. I'm sure online mags have lower standards for writing and editing, but this is a new low.
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    Posted By:
    ansidae at 07/07/2008 10:46:28 AM
    Comment:
    No, you're not the only one. Perhaps worst was "As a sociologist, good description is the beginning of the mark of a good book, but the analysis is what really brings the quality of the project home." A hat trick: mere awkwardness, a mangled metaphor ("beginning of mark"), and a dangling appositional phrase ("as a sociologist"). A grace note on the dangler is that it is seriously confusing (who is the sociologist?) until you reach the end and learn that the author may be a sociologist.
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  Posted By:
  joedog at 07/07/2008 9:37:40 AM
  Comment:
  A sense of manhood? Most likely with an underage child of poverty. Think Thailand and German tourists.
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    Posted By:
    Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/07/2008 3:42:40 PM
    Comment:
    While that may be the case in Thailand (and I wouldn't know, having never been there), it's manifestly not the case in Copacabana, where most of these men go. In spite of what the social panic regarding the sexual exploitation of children in the so-called third world teaches, Thailand and Brazil do not have the same legal or cultural conditions. In Rio, along the Copa seafront, it is very rare to see children or even younger adolescents in the sex bars. While I'm sure that there are tourist pedophiles, all available, objective evidence to hand to date indicates that the vast majority of pedophiles in Brazil are Brazilian. There have been few complaints and even fewer arrests of foreign pedophiles here, though we currently happening to be going through a very high profile case regarding one.
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  Posted By:
  joedog at 07/07/2008 9:36:26 AM
  Comment:
  Sense of Manhood. Yes, most likely with an underage child of poverty. Think of Geman tourists to Thailand.
  
  Eskimo Joe
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  Posted By:
  omalls13 at 07/07/2008 5:17:27 AM
  Comment:
  Carl Mack: Ever been to Brazil? I have. I went there about 5 years ago. Flew from JFK to Rio. On my plane down there were no less than 5 separate groups of Black men traveling to Rio for the express purpose of engaging in sex tourism. They spoke freely about it all the way down. Outside my hotel in Copacabana I saw many of these same men openly soliciting prostitutes in broad daylight in the middle of the busy streets and plazas. It's completely legal there, and it's much, much cheaper than the high priced escort services in the U.S. that you allude to. There are even bars and nightclubs there that specifically service this market by providing a safe, fun, and convenient location for fee paying prostitutes to show off their merchandise to and converse with potential customers. Just walking down the street you are confronted by an endless stream of whores. Many of them are far more attractive than any prostitute I have ever seen in America. Once again, this is all completely legal and cheaper than it would be in America. So basically you are completely wrong and ignorant of the real situation. I can't believe that "scholars" need to waste time writing books about "why black men do this". It's because they are horny and this is a cheap, legal, convenient way to have sex with exotic women. Get a clue.
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  Posted By:
  Carl Mack at 07/06/2008 6:04:57 PM
  Comment:
  Get real, please! I doubt that there are any significant number of brothers going to Brazil for sex. I doubt that these authors could even find any. Even if they did I doubt they would talk about it. Here's why; any brother with the enough discretionary funds to fly to Brazil could use an escort service like the one that serviced New York Governor Spiitzer. it would be cheaper and safer.
  Second there are 1 million brothers in prison and another million on probation or parole, so there is no shortage of black women. Why not go to places like D.C. where there are 8 women for every man.
  Then there is the fact that Brazil is one of the worst countries for tourist to engage in drugs, drunken behavior and sex exploitation. The State Dept. specifically warns against these activities. Certain cities in Brazil give tourist maps that tell them where not to go. If they do go to these areas most likely they will be mugged and robbed or shaken down and locked up by the corrupt police. So brothers going with a pimp to meet a woman, or walking through a barrio looking for a brothel or trying to pick up a woman when they don't even speak the language, in Brazil, I don't think so.
  If these authors actually did find and interview brothers who made the trip, then the question should have been "why are you so stupid."
  Carl Mack
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    Posted By:
    Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/07/2008 3:48:05 PM
    Comment:
    Carl, that was actually my POV, too, when I started by research: "Why travel to the other side of the world for something that's readily available at home"?
    
    Woods and Hunter did indeed interview many men who do this, some of whom I have also interviewed, and it turns out that they actually do have what appear, to them, to be very good reasons.
    
    The authors do an excellent job of enumerating those reasons in the book and I suggest you read it before you judge it, but here are a few of them:
    
    1) It's legal in Rio and the women are thus generally not drug- or alchohol-abusing wretches from the margin of society.
    2) Service is good.
    3) Prices are relatively cheap.
    
    While you could go to a call-girl service in NYC, like Gov. Spitzer, you also might wind up like him.
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  Posted By:
  Carl Mack at 07/06/2008 5:23:05 PM
  Comment:
  Get real, please. I doubt that any large number of black men are going to Brazil for sex. I doubt that these ladies could find those that do. Even if they could finds them,I doubt that they would talk about it. I doubt that any brother who has the money to fly to Brazil would be dumb enough to go to their red light districts where most likely they would be mugged and robbed, if not picked up by the police and locked up or shaken down. I doubt that they would go since the State Dept specifically warns against these activities. I doubt that they would even walk or drive through one of our hoods looking for sex.
  There are 1 million black men in prison and another million on parole or probation so there is no shortage of black women right here in the U.S.
  There are places like D.C. where there are 8 black women for every man.Why not go there? Any black man with the money to fly to Brazil could certainly use an escort service like the one that service New York's Gov. Spitzer.
  If this book is factual then it should be about finding out why these men are so stupid.
  Carl Mack
  
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  Posted By:
  rebeccawalker at 07/06/2008 4:25:57 AM
  Comment:
  After doing some more research --and reading a great interview with one of the authors of the book--Jewel Woods-- I just ordered Blame it on Rio from Amazon. I'm looking forward to an insightful and compelling read.
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  Posted By:
  rebeccawalker at 07/05/2008 3:38:06 PM
  Comment:
  I want to add and clarify that I AM NOT ENDORSING the book, only R. L'Heureux Lewis's willingness to deepen this important discussion.
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  Posted By:
  rebeccawalker at 07/05/2008 2:30:22 PM
  Comment:
  I really appreciate this piece--the discussion of masculinity is a critical part of the work needed to salvage the potentially powerful relationship between men and women--and men and men, and women and women, but especially between men and women--that human beings need to build healthy families and communities. it supports the work of women struggling to have their issues heard in what often seems like a vortex of silence all while allowing men their dignity as they are critically engaged and encouraged to act more responsibly toward themselves and the ones they love.
  
  I think more white people thinking about and dismantling their white privilege and internalized racism, and more men doing the same with their male privilege and sexism is good for all. Women looking at our sometimes knee-jerk male bashing also doesn't hurt, and can lead to our own personal healing around issues of sexism and abuse.
  
  While I haven't read the book and can't endorse it, I give a shout to the writer of this piece, will post this on my personal blog at rebeccawalker.com and see it as another piece to add to the growing collection of pieces seeking to heal what is essentially a wound of slavery and evidence of a deeper pathology. I add this piece with the full understanding of the vagaries of the publishing industry and its need and tendency to exploit the sensational in order to sell books. I do not endorse this, but certainly understand it.
  
  The last piece/post I added was on black men at Yale throwing an honorary dinner in support of black women at Yale. There are many others and I applaud and support every one of them.
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  Posted By:
  Abriel at 07/05/2008 2:03:37 AM
  Comment:
  Brazil is the #1 country in the world with the highest interracial mixing. A lot of men want to go there for a "good time" regardless if they are African American. As for the other book he wrote "is he really into you?" well he forgets to mention men with ADD or ADHD who might have a hard time focusing on anything.
  
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  Posted By:
  Dr. Thaddeus Blanchette at 07/04/2008 1:54:33 PM
  Comment:
  Actually, the book is quite good in terms of relating what Black American men say when they talk about their trips to Brazil.
  
  If those comments are too painful for people, they can rationalize them away, of course.
  
  I myself, however, believe that it's not normally a good thing to blow off what people say. Even when it's wrong, it's generally a key to what's really going on.
  
  Having heard hundreds American men - black and white - frequently run down American women (and vice versa) while simultaneously hailing the supposed "natural" charms of "Brand X" (could be Brazilians, Philipinas, Chinese, Russians - whatever) people, whose language they can't even speak, I'm convinced that the problem is a general malaise in American society.
  
  When it comes right down to it, I don't see much difference at all between sex tourists and heritage tourists. Both groups are projecting a convenient, self-serving fantasy onto countries whose languages they don't speak, whose cultures they don't comprehend and whose histories that can't be bothered to study. From the Brazilian viewpoint, it's kinda "six of one, half a dozen of the other" is one makes money off of selling gringos the ultimate sexual fantasy or the ultimate roots fantasy. What goes without saying is that 99% of Americans - white or black - simply are not interested in Brazilian REALITIES.
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  Posted By:
  Dantresomi at 07/04/2008 8:35:53 AM
  Comment:
  wow.
  thanks for the review. i know to avoid this book...
  
  
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  Posted By:
  nimrod at 07/04/2008 3:46:11 AM
  Comment:
  The righteous indignation of the femi-nazi sista-hood tut-tutting about wayward men who fail to bow down and praise to the heavens the wonder of womanhood make me want to gag. If ???How Stella Got Her Groove Back??? isn???t the original diary of a sex-tourist with some cut-and-paste pseudo-romanticism, then I don???t know what is. As a born-and-raised Johannesburger, I can attest that we are positively over-run with sistas out to discover the motherland, snapping their fingers and waving depreciating dollars and having their way with the natives in between visits to ???Soweyto???, so please spare us the hypocrisy and judgementalism because economic exploitation is uniform regardless of what gender or race is doing the exploiting.
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    Posted By:
    bigbill at 07/07/2008 9:36:19 PM
    Comment:
    The Smoking Gun has the complete story of Terry Macmillen as recounted in her divorce proceedings. A classic tale of Terry falling in love with and marrying her Jamaican boytoy -- who turned out to be a sodomite. Stella was predicted to be so popular with black women that Terry got a 6 million dollar advance. This link to The Smoking Gun (http://tinyurl.com/df2wm) tells the story of the predictable aftermath.
    
    http://tinyurl.com/df2w
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  Posted By:
  B24-7 at 07/03/2008 10:43:26 PM
  Comment:
  I never thought I would live long enough to hear "black male" and "privilege" in the same phrase. I fault this analysis for being far too ideological to be credible. The gender privilege assertion lacks any foundation in this essay. I believe a much more straight forward explanation that better fits the sparse facts of this column, is that black men have chosen these sex holidays abroad as a means of escaping oppression at home and have chosen to rationalize it according to their/our various targets of resentment; principally as a recrimination against black women (many of whom have excoriated black men in literature and pop culture).
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    Posted By:
    BlackStocking at 07/07/2008 5:36:10 PM
    Comment:
    Wow!!! Your comments are complete an utter revisionism, if not science fiction. Black men are glorified in the AA community. Haven't you seen the male-centric balck church? Mamas raisng their daughters and coddling their sons? The 10-15 years of anti-female rap music. What a bunch of emasculating harpies we are!! Sure there is fault on both sides, but please do not act as if all the damage has been inflicted by black women.
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      Posted By:
      bigbill at 07/07/2008 9:23:37 PM
      Comment:
      Now hold on there! He wasn't blaming sistahs, he was blaming dat ol debbil white man for forcing him to go to Brazil and recover his self-esteem.
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  Posted By:
  memi at 07/03/2008 5:32:59 PM
  Comment:
  dear dr. spaceman:
  
  Black men blame black women; black women blame black men. Now we are on to something! Everyone take your corner and duke it out.
  
  There is no competition for men/women or money just your shrinking thinking that believes there isn't enough so your behavior will dictate your actions, i.e. thoughts are things. Black men and women are so entrenched in the victim story that everything and everybody (except ourselves) is to blame for everything that has gone wrong is presently going wrong or we anticipate will go wrong in our lives. Funny, when things are seemingly going well we all like to take personal credit for that. This blame game or victim argument/debate is stale, old, tired, unwinnable yet is so familiar to black men and women that we can't, won't see past it. "Good morning, heartache, you old friend of mine."
  
  But I digress, going to Brazil should simply be about enjoying the sexcation but without the guilt, personal luggage and blaming that some of the brothers resort to. The rest of the mental analysis/acrobatics is just an excuse or more profoundly, a b.s. cover up story.
  
  By the by, I read through the book while in the bookstore, didn't purchase it. Had me thinking of a black male friend who for years complained about black American women and his inability to have a relationship w/ them. (He seemed to overlook the self esteem problem that he had about being a blue collar worker but feeling blue-collar women were not good enough and simultaneously holding white-collar women as desirable but unattainable.) Anyhow, several years ago he discovered Brazil and flies there many times throughout the year. However, after all of the back rubs, adventurous sex, and home made cooking would you believe the brother still ain't happy? Could it be that happiness begins w/in? That no amount of money, sex, status, friends, cars, jewelry, BLAMING OTHERS, PERPETUALLY PLAYING VICTIM, etc. can make a person happy if they don't clear the deck and look w/in? As a side note, this same brother was also robbed by a couple of prostitutes while in the D.R. (while he was freshening up in the bathroom they fleeced his pockets and room and vamos...paid more for the nookie than he bargained for!)
  
  Anyhow, people who constantly complain and find fault in others get more of what they complain about (its said in psyche circles that complaining is really just reflective as to what people are unhappy about w/ in themselves...but that is another topic). But those who can see past such egoic thinking will stop blaming others, stop playing victim, acknowledge their own shortcomings, laugh at themselves, will enjoy life (even a few trips to Brazil) w/ many more smiles.
  
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  Posted By:
  mjaybee at 07/03/2008 5:16:47 PM
  Comment:
  Please - you mean like white women travelling to Africa or the Mediterranean for their own sex tourism? Quit beating down black men - between Obama and American popular culture, they've had enough grief.
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  Posted By:
  MilesEllison at 07/03/2008 4:40:57 PM
  Comment:
  Just when I think that the male/female dialogue in the black community is shallow, someone comes along to add pseudo-intellectual pretense to the mix.
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  Posted By:
  aine at 07/03/2008 4:23:49 PM
  Comment:
  Ah. I see. Don't blame "Rio" for men's infidelity.
  
  
  Blame their wives/mothers/female friends. This is nothing new, women have been blamed for the sins of men for all of history- this is the same mentality that justifies the burqua and niqab- if I can see her face, I won't be able to control myself!
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    Posted By:
    bigbill at 07/07/2008 9:17:40 PM
    Comment:
    C'mon, now. Don't take it so personal. It ain't all the sistahs fault. A brutha in a comment up above blamed The White Man for forcing bruthas to go to Brazil to get their self esteem back. And anyway, judging by all the little bastards running around there's a bunch of bruthas that ain't going to Brazil for their sex tourism, they're finding it right here in the USA!
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  Posted By:
  seamus at 07/03/2008 2:21:49 PM
  Comment:
  If "culture" is the passage of values and behaviors across generations to a common demographic group, then the reader who bemoans the downfall of a whole people is onto something. Misbehavior and selfishness begins at the top and trickles down to the least privileged in our society as crime and self-destruction. It's humanity as a whole that is at risk, not just Black America.
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  Posted By:
  dr spaceman at 07/03/2008 2:21:23 PM
  Comment:
  I suggest that the commenters above read the book first: as the author says, it ISN'T JUST ABOUT SEX.
  
  Until black women can learn to be self-reflective, self-critical, and honest, they will continue to lose out in a a shrinking world where competition for resources (men, as well as money).
  
  Now if, after at least CONSIDERING what so many, many, many black men -- from all different stations in life, mind you -- keep complaining about with regard to the black women (and lack of sex or lack of sexual adventurousness is NOT our complaint), you sisters decide that we are full of crap... so be it.
  
  But the main issue is that, as a whole, black women refuse to even consider, for one second, the possibilty that something about the way you all relate to black men is displeasing to us.
  
  And I have never even been outside of the country, so don't avoid dealing with the fact that you all aren't seen as perfect by anyone other than yourselves, apparently, by deflecting.
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    Posted By:
    BlackStocking at 07/07/2008 5:41:31 PM
    Comment:
    As a black woman who has 4 black sister-in-laws and several sister-friends that are in stable and relatively happy marriages, could it be that there are at least some black women who aren't ball-busting hags? Painting with broad brushes is very last century. If you can't find any resepectful and repsectable sisters, perhaps you need a change of venue.
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  Posted By:
  Moxie_Nouveaux at 07/03/2008 10:12:31 AM
  Comment:
  Great comments. Excellent points made.
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  Posted By:
  Moonchild at 07/03/2008 10:08:11 AM
  Comment:
  Right on growth12.
  
  There are soo many black children (and others) that could benefit from this. Sad. VERY SAD. And the way I see it, these black males are doing the same thing these white males are. The only difference is the black males are doing it with another adult...not children like these sick white males are. God is not pleased at what is happening in this world.
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  Posted By:
  growth12 at 07/03/2008 6:05:57 AM
  Comment:
  God, think of all the hungry black children in cities across the country who could benefit from the airfare these lost souls spend on the sex trade. As for the "brother" in Boston--please divorce your wife before you infect her with AIDS or a venereal disease. The church (with its hypocritical notions about sex, submission, and marriage), our twisted sexuality (slavery, breeding, obsession with white/light skin), and our need to make others submissive to our cavernous needs are going to kill us. We are a lost people.
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  Posted By:
  memi at 07/03/2008 3:09:39 AM
  Comment:
  What a joke! It really isn't that deep. White men have been cavorting in Brazil since time immemorial w/o explanation and/or excuse. Black men have recently "discovered" Brazil in the past few decades and can't admit that this is simply a "room w/ a girl" sexcation. For all of the b.s. about how women in improvised countries make them "feel" like men (and I don???t even want to touch such a pitiful statement ??? well, just a little ??? manhood starts between your ears and no one can give it to you or make you feel it; what you are experiencing is call an erection). Anyhow, I don't hear of no brothers bringing these women back to the states to "wife" them (slang intended). Oh, and you are still paying for the sex. Sounds like prostitution to me w/ a back rub and stew chicken dinner to boot. Be like your white male counterparts and stop w/ your excuses/lies/guilt trips/explanations and admit that you go to Brazil for wonton sex, no more-no less.
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    Posted By:
    bigbill at 07/07/2008 9:20:40 PM
    Comment:
    I believe one gets "wonton sex" in the Far East.