More Black Women Choosing to Adopt

By The Buzz | Posted: July 1, 2009

From CNN:

"Wendy Duren thought she did everything right. She broke off relationships with men who didn't want to settle down. She refused to get pregnant out of wedlock. She prayed for a child. Duren's yearning for motherhood was so palpable that her former fiancé once offered to father a child with her. But he warned her that he wasn't ready for marriage. "I get bored in relationships after a couple of years," he told her, she recalls. Those events could have caused some women to give up their dreams of motherhood. But Duren, a pharmaceutical saleswoman, didn't need a man to be a mom. At 37 years old, she decided to adopt.

"It's the best decision I could have made in my life," Duren says, two years later. She's now the mother of Madison, a 1-year-old daughter she raises in Canton, Michigan.

"People say I have never seen you so happy," she says, "but it's also the hardest thing I've ever done."

What's driving more single African-American women to adopt

Marriage and motherhood -- it's the dream that begins in childhood for many women. Yet more African-American women are deciding to adopt instead of waiting for a husband, says Mardie Caldwell, founder of Lifetime Adoption, an adoption referral and support group in Penn Valley, California.

"We're seeing more and more single African-American women who are not finding men," Caldwell says. "There's a lack of qualified black men to get into relationships with."

The numbers are grim. According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey, 45 percent of African-American women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women."

...

"Some single African-American women deal with another challenge: criticism for bringing another African-American child into a single-parent household.

Kaydra Fleming, a 37-year-old social worker in Arlington, Texas, is the mother of Zoey, an adopted eight-month-old girl whose biological mother was young and poor.

"Zoey was going to be born to a single black mother anyway," Fleming says. "At least she's being raised by a single black parent who was ready financially and emotionally to take care of her."

Yet there are some single African-American women who are not emotionally ready to adopt an African-American child who is too dark, some adoption agency officials say.

Fair-skinned or biracial children stand a better chance of being adopted by single black women than darker-skinned children, some adoption officials say.

"They'll say, 'I want a baby to look like a Snickers bar, not dark chocolate,' " Caldwell, founder of Lifetime Adoption, says about some prospective parents.

"I had a family who turned a baby down because it was too dark," she says. "They said the baby wouldn't look good in family photographs."

Read the rest of the article here

*Sigh*

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Posted: Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Numbers II

kdog

Here ya go Jimi

Brothas in jail:

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/prisons.htm

Number of black women v black men:

http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/p20-544.pdf

do the research before you call bullshit folk.

Posted: Wednesday, July 08, 2009

bunt0727...you said...

Patra

"I do not believe in single parent adoption nor homosexual adoption."

So...you would prefer they be bounced from one foster home to the next (where many of the foster parents are single), until they reach adulthood, having never experienced having a loving, stable home...whether it's a two parent household or single parent household.

Unbelievable.

Stop hatin' on the sistas...especially the accomplished ones. And advise your brethren (to those whom this applies) to step up their game and do the necessary work necessary to become more desirable to black women.

Posted: Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Oh, Goody! Another "Let's Bash Black Women" Thread!!

Patra

With bunt0727 and Mack Samuels leading the pack!

Look, man...it's apparent you have issues with Black women...let's get that out of the way right now.

Let's see...the foster care system is bursting at the seams, nationwide, with unwanted Black children...yet you insist on castigating single Black WOMEN who are willing to give them a loving homes. You say that every child deserves a father...imperfect or otherwise. My question is, are Black men attempting to adopt? Are YOU? Thought not. The point is, had these children been born into functioning families with both parents, there would be no need for Black women to adopt them, yes? So instead of stomping on these women, why not give the the accolades they deserve? I am married with two children, and cannot afford another child...but I'm sure there are married Black couples who can adopt...don't hear much about them, though. Do you believe that single white women who adopt have a "dressed up ghetto mentality"...or is that mindset reserved for the sistas? What exactly would you have Jersey do...settle for a pimp, playa or all around "jack of all trades and a master of none"? Why should she? She apparently worked HARD and SMART...for what she's attained. Why can't she have a man with the same drive, goals and ambitions as she? What's wrong...is an intelligent, educated, savvy Black woman who wants a brotha but who doesn't NEED one, too much for you to handle? As I mentioned before, I'm happily married and I'm a mom...but guess what...if my husband decided he no longer wanted to be married to me, I am more than capable of taking care of myself and our boys.

Mack Samuels...man, you brothas need to make up your damn minds...if a sista is looking for a man to care for her, isn't bringing much to the table, ya whining about that...if a sista gets a quality education, works hard, and builds a life for herself, ya whining about that.

Me thinks I smell the scent of jealousy where smart, educated Black women are concerned...oh yeah, the jealousy always rears it's ugly head around here ever so often....Thankfully, there are still brothas out there who would appreciate Jersey and what she has to offer.

Why don't you brothas mentor young brothas? Why don't you teach them the importance of having something to bring to the table, besides sexual prowess and a cute smile?

Lastly...Black men (educated or not) who are happily married to...or have healthy relationships with Black women (educated or not) do not constantly whine on discussion boards about what is wrong with Black women. The ones who, for whatever reason cannot attract decent, attractive Black women, do.

Posted: Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The Numbers

jimi.izrael

There are more black men than black women, and all or most of them are not in jail or otherwise unsuitable -- I promise you that is bullshit. Even if that were so, if you can't find a man in a sea of millions upon millions of men, then I have to suggest that the men may not be the entire problem. Sorry.

Posted: Monday, July 06, 2009

The age distinction is

Jersey97

The age distinction is inferred. The article is about single women who have yet to find a husband and fear that they may miss their chance at experiencing motherhood. I can't see a women in her early to mid twenties fearing missing motherhood. Additionally, adoption is somewhat expensive. One woman quotes her adoption costs as $15,000.

In their late twenties, into their thirties, I can see a woman starting to think about their chance at motherhood slowly sliping by. Additionally, by this time, they probably are a little farther along in their career. They have savings and more available credit to pay for adoption costs. Two of the women in the article were 37 and one was 34. I'm sure there are women single twenty something single women adopting, however, I'd think that the majority are 30 and above.

Posted: Saturday, July 04, 2009

There is a mindset...

bunt0727

ActionFigurine...what I'm saying is that there is a mindset among certain women who sincerely believe its all about..them...and their exclusive choices. I do not believe in single parent adoption nor homosexual adoption. A child should have the very basic right of being brought into a household of two parents..one male..one female..with all that those two opposing gender roles bring to the table and too the influences those gender roles and the extended family of maternal and paternal grandparents etc bring to the table thus creating a far more wholesome life experience for the child. In essence one is creating a kind of super market of family life experience...rather than the 24 Hour store on the corner..quick..convenient..but ultimately..more limited and costly.

Posted: Saturday, July 04, 2009

Flash the Bat Signal. There's Been an Escape at Arkham!

action figurine

@bunt0727

Ok, it's official. You sound like a raving lunatic. And haven't you been paying attention? Among the options available to a single woman of means who wants a child is adoption, or did you not read the article? Seriously, how is it possible NOT to leave a legacy of more than just material possessions, if you have children? Will you think! Do the children not count unless they're born within wedlock? Does a woman only leave a legacy if she has a husband? What about divorcees? Do they and their accomplishments become irrelevant once their marriages dissolve? I can't even begin to understand the root of your vitriol concerning an article about black women adopting children, but perhaps I'd best leave that to the doctors in the white coats who, with any luck, will soon come and take you away.

@Jersey

Yes, it's possible, but Caldwell didn't make any distinctions along age lines when making that statement. You did.

Posted: Saturday, July 04, 2009

I don't think Mardie

Jersey97

I don't think Mardie Caldwell's statement was a jab at black men. Most of these single women who are adopting these children are 35 and older. At this point, all the men that they would consider as potential husbands/fathers are already married or are in a commited relationship. Then it's a matter of meeting these men.....

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

The terrible truth...

bunt0727

The truth gauls doesn't it ? It haunts. It creeps into your mind when you lying awake sleepless at night wondering if you'll ever find love and fullfillment. The ongoing theme throughout this thread is ME..ME..I..WHAT I WANT....WHAT I EXPECT...
.WHAT I INSIST UPON....I..I..I..ME,,ME..ME!!!...and sadly that dear ladies is why you and many of your generation walk through life alone. Why many black men turn their backs..or better yet...venture off with the no stress..no bullsheeet Scandinavian blonde.

After the weddings and engagement parties of friends who finally grew up and came to terms with reality...when you secretly wonder if there will ever be some one for you...when you lie awake in the dark living those empty moments...the terrible frightening truth creeps under your door and into your beds...to live out your life, grow unattractive and old and die..alone..leaving not a damned thing..except bills and material posesseions to say you were once here. Yeah..we may all end up in the nursing home but some of will leave someone or someone(s) behind.

The clock is ticking...and it's surely not ticking for me. Another round of Bingo anyone?

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

Get some new material. Would you, please?

action figurine

@bunt0

I swear; it's like Groundhog Day up in here! You've threatened single, black women with that example of the Wall Street bap-buppie, pushing 50, for like three threads now. And I hate to brake it to you, but nursing homes are brimming with widows and widowers. The fact that they were married didn't stop them from winding up there. Where you end up once you are no longer able to care for yourself often has more to do with your adult children then your spouse. Back in the day an unmarried woman ran the risk of "dying alone" because of the likelihood of her being childless without a husband.

"However, I'm surprised at the couple of responses on this forum that use this trend to attack black women."

@Jersey

LOL at your "i know a black man" retort to bunt0. Someone had to do it.

@dsh22793

Word. I can't believe some of the comments directed towards black women either in this thread either, but in all fairness, I can see why some black men would be upset. The article did take some swipes at the brothas. Paragraph six, the quote from Mardie Caldwell, "There's a lack of qualified black men to get into relationships with." Plus the article included that anecdote about how Wendy Duran's (the woman profiled) former (possibly black) fiancee who offered to father her child but wouldn't marry her.

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

You see Jersey...the examples

bunt0727

You see Jersey...the examples are laid before us as children by our parents..a mom or dad or a mom or dad figure..or lack thereof. We tend to be drawn to partners not only with similar values but also like experiences. Schools. Clubs. Summer camp. Holiday observances. The degree which church played a role. Our mutual appreciation for the Arts or just a quiet summer evening on the porch. The influences of our parents..our grandparents...our great grandparents...our crazy uncles and peculiar aunts. The whole person is a mosaic of all those experiences and exposures. My wife and I of many years although from slightly different backgrounds...she from a suburb of a large metropolitan city and I from New England have had those basic things in common. We wanted our children to have and share those experiences and exposures and hopefully they will pass it on to their children. Two parent households with the influences of the two extended families makes a child a whole person. One can not design a child and its particularly self serving to bring a child into half a world.

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

I know a black man......

Jersey97

I know a black man. He had a lot going for him. He was smart, funny, and hard working. He had a good job and lived a modest but comfortable life. Typically, his stardards for the woman he dated were that they had similar morals and values to those that he possessd. He met a woman who was bright and attractive. She had an apartment that she paid for with the public assistance that she received for her two kids and a car that was purchased for her by one of the many men in her life. She kept her hair professionally done and always had new clothes and shoes despite not having a job. At the most she worked maybe 3 months a year (tops). When she would get laid off, she was never in any hurry to find a new job. She didn't put any effort into trying to learn a new skill in order to make herself more marketable to employers. She was a serial dater and would often leave her 10 year old daughter at home alone in order to go spend the night with the man that she was dating. She rarely cooked and never cleaned. When the black man and the bright, attractive woman met, they had an attraction. At the time, she had a job. However, he was well aware of her situation. Despite having drastically different values, the man decided to date this woman. Soon after, she was inevidable laid off. As usual, she made no attempt to find a new job. She talked about going to school, but made no attempt to actually do it. Eventually, this man ended the relationship. He knew before they started dating that she didn't meet a minimum standard of what he would or would not accept in a mate. Despite this he, he started dating her. At some point, he stopped dating based on all of the above reasons. What would have been the outcome if he had continued dating someone who didn't meet up to his standards? He would have moved her into his house and she would not have contributed anything (rarely cooking, never cleaning and not contributing financially). She'd then have his child. Eventually, the relationship would end. He would then have to be concerned that she would leave his child at home alone in order to go out and lay up with the next man. Don't get me wrong. She was a nice woman. But her priorities were way different than his.

It's irresponsible not to look at all aspects of what a person brings to the table with regards to a relationship. It's not about what a person has, or how they look. But if you have no standard with regard to behavior, you will end up with someone who is not able or willing to contribute to a relationship. This is the person that you will be building a life with and having children with. What are your standards with regard to moral values?

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

Of course more Black women

jammiedoes

Of course more Black women are adopting. They can COUNT on themselves. The majority of Black men just want the trim, not the responsibility of a child. God knows they would have to be responsible, get a well paying job and put someone else before themselves. Do you really thing the majority of Black men would do this? No.

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

Choosing to adopt

Horusbedhetys

Interesting article, but ultimately, worthless; many Black women have been informally adopting for years, men too. It's not from a lack of suitable partners, but from a sense of responsibility and compassion. Especially after the crack/AIDS epidemic, this phenomenon began to manifest itself. The only reason that neither the mainstream media, nor the "Black" media didn't report on it was, I guess, because it wasn't glamorous enough to catch and hold the limited attention spans of their readers. It's not new. What is new, is that now that celebrities have made it fashionable, it is being reported on in a fashionable manner. One last vicious jab for the moron who sympathizes with Madonna: these children she adopted are accessories, just like her clothing. The first person that greeted this new Malawian child was the nanny (mammy). If you can find something honorable in that, you need your head examined.

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

I know a black woman..a

bunt0727

I know a black woman..a professional in her field. Went to the right schools..got a job on Wall Street. Made a lot of money. She had 'high standards'..only the best would do. Fine restaurants..flashy cars..Neiman Marcus wardrobes. A house in the burbs. In her twenties she had no time for men... who were beneath her. Too short. Too tall. Too dark. Never bright enough. Not the right job. Not the right pedigree. God, the children might be born..too dark..the hair..not straight enough!

The years went by and soon she was in her thirties and she began to hear that little whisper in her ear...the clock was ticking..but she had time... so she continued in her professional job and living her life of high standards an dealing with people she felt were worthy of her company and soon the forties arrived and the whispering voice in her ear spoke quite clearly....time was running out... where was that perfect man who would meet HER high standards...pass HER judgment and give her those beautiful light children with the good hair?

Today age 50 is standing on her door step. Her once dark hair is now streaked with gray..her hips..her tummy..a tad heavier. She still drives a nice car and lives in her suburban home and works her professional job which now brings her little satisfaction or fulfillment. Her queen sized bed with the four posts is just as empty as it was when she was in her twenties..no man to hold her in the night or share a life with in the morning.

But at least she was a 'professional' and lived by HER 'standards'.

Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009

All of the above

Jersey97

Being taken care of (or taking care of someone) is all of the above. Being financially responsible/stable is a part of it. This is not for material gain. Being in a relationship is not just about violins playing and birds chirping. Any issue that I come across in my life, I handle mostly on my own. Why would I or any other successful woman (successful = accomplishing a goal) want to be with a partner who can't do the same?

Most people want someone who has the same values as you. You want them to meet your standards.

Posted: Thursday, July 02, 2009

Is this material/economic or psychosocial/emotional or both?

butternut

@ bunt0727....it is possible that Jersey's comment 'who can't care for me as well as I care for myself' refers to more than just material/economic concerns. In which case, what's wrong with having standards. The axiom that money cant buy happiness isnt just a truism.

Posted: Thursday, July 02, 2009

WE NEED TO REBUILD OUR FAMILIES

dredio05

"There's a lack of qualified black men to get into relationships with."

This is a comment based on white societies' definition of quality, so it's irrelevant. To be honest black women, especially young ones, look right through good men and go for the bad ones. I muself am married to an amazing black woman and looking around here in this city in Kansas there's mostly interracial couples, we're always surprised whn we see another all black family. My brother is 21 years old, has a good job and owns his own vending business. He doesn't where big t-shirts and chains, he dresses like a grown man, but because he doesn't fit the stereotype that these young girls are looking for he's taken too seriously. His last girlfriend his age say things like, "Your too good of a guy, if I ever get married I'll marry you." a year later she was married and divorced an abusive in and out of jail brotha. Makes no sense....He says this is common the girls his age like the flashier types even if there's no substance behind the flash.
WE NEED TO TEACH OUR DAUGHTER'S TO LOOK FOR THE RIGHT THINGS IN A MAN AND NOT WHAT SHE SEES ON B.E.T.

I even heard Lauren London in an interview go on and on about how she has a crush on the Menace To Society character O-Dog. These are the guys your daughters are dating and looking for. If you look for quality you will find it, if you look for a definition created by hollyywood or white america, you're being ridiculous.

On a side note:

BLACK WOMEN ARE THE MOST AMAZING THING GOD EVER CREATED AND I CANT IMAGINE MYSELF WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN MINE

Posted: Thursday, July 02, 2009

light or dark skin children

nmdiva

If a potential parent shows up to adopt a child specifying what skin tone they should have, that potential parent should be denied adoption rights simply because of that.

Well, now it makes more sense to me now why you don't see many African Americans adopting children from Africa because of this ridiculous colorstruck logic. There are so many beautiful dark skinned children on the continent who will never get adopted because of some black Americans' slavery mentality.

I have more sympathy and respect for Madonna now.

Posted: Thursday, July 02, 2009

Pressures on black men

Lizw

I read this article immediately after reading the commentary by the former chief justice of the Georgia Supreme Court about why her brother killed himself at age 53. Her Honor made a strong argument for societal support for the traditional family as a cure for many evils, including fatherless (or practically fatherless) children. We don't seem to think of marriage in terms of "What can I do for my beloved?" but "How can I find somebody who will do what I think I want?" Mutual support of the partners is the real foundation of a marital relationship - not economic or professional status; and it is from that mutual support that the environment that will raise mentally healthy children develops. Many children, white, black, male, female, are raised in environments that undermine belief in this support system. I DO NOT MEAN SINGLE PARENT FAMILIES NECESSARILY but the kind of parenting that results from irresponsible choices - getting pregnant through careless sex, abusive or demeaning relationships, fathers who "travel through" their children's lives because of a rejection of responsibility. But a boy (or girl) who grows up not seeing the reality of marriage will certainly not want to marry and continue the kind of life they have known since childhood. I think this is a problem best addressed by our religious and cultural institutions. Legal compulsion is out of the question and social work is overburdened with really horrible problems. That said, how to start?

Posted: Thursday, July 02, 2009

That Madison on the CNN page

action figurine

That Madison on the CNN page is an absolute, baby doll! What a cutie!

@bunt0 and Mark Samuels

Oh, wait. We're doing stereotypes today? Ok, my turn. Why are you having a conniption about black women who are volunteering to raise someone else's biological kids? Isn't the norm for black men :) ?

Anyway . . .

Unless you think that only married couples should be able to adopt, it's not the fault of these black women that their new children were available for adoption. So I fail to see why there's any criticism directed towards them. Most women would want the emotional and financial support of their children's fathers in their lives. The decision to parent alone is usually made when said support is lacking not because of any type of independent streak or burning desire to be a single mom. How many children do you know of from financially stable, loving, two parent homes are put up for adoption? Not many, right? Most of these children were born to poor, single mothers, who probably wouldn't have given them away if they had a partner to shoulder the burden. These black women adopting babies should be applauded for stepping up to clean someone else's mess, not derided because they have the resources to do so.

Posted: Thursday, July 02, 2009

Aw this is bittersweet.

soulfulseductress

Aw this is bittersweet.