One of my bestest homegirls called me up wondering what kind of gift she could give her man this Valentine’s Day that would send a message that would last all year. So, I sent her a list and thought I’d share it with my Roots ladies as well.

So, as a public service, I present…

10 Valentines That Will Put Him On Notice

1.  SlimFast --- Pointedly cruel, yet undeniably refreshing.

2.  Speed Stick (unscented) –- Just a lil personal hygiene goes a long way.

3.  The want ads--- Jobs don’t find themselves.

4.  Rogaine--- Because baldness has overthrown his Caeser. Clearly.

5.  Breathe mint--- He likes Chipoltle, but Chipoltle don’t like him.

6.  Chamomile Tea--- Says “you’re not getting any loving tonight, so you might as well get some sleep.”

7.  Marriage license--- Time to buy the cow or go soy, homie….

8.  Toilet Time Targets --- He can manage a corporation but he can’t pee straight? Seriously?

9.  G-String and a Feather Duster--- Maybe it’s time for him to earn his keep.

10.  Cookbook--- Just because you can’t cook doesn’t mean he shouldn’t.

Single Father, Author, Screenwriter, Award-Winning Journalist, NPR Moderator, Lecturer and College Professor. Habitual Line-Stepper