About On The Dig
2009
Print
EmailI've always been intrigued by adults who never leave their parents' home. There was something mysterious about that extra room in a friend's basement where some 30 year-old son was living and eating up their momma's grits and eggs. I wasn't old enough to appreciate any type of economic/emotional disability associated with these dead beat kids: all I saw was an adult person tied to their momma's apron strings and that was interesting. See, I was out of the house at 18. Largely due to my first year in undergrad, but my parents also insisted (by example) to be ruthlessly independent. I used to get nervous when I had to ask for fifty dollars to help pay for a past-due phonebill. Oh, the parents were no joke. They believed if you can't afford to pay the bill then there was no need for the phone.
Over at the New York Times' blog Room for Debate, five writers discuss the rise of "The 40-Something Dependent Child". I'm not sure how much of a "rise it is, but writer Kathleen Gerson offers a chunk of wisdom on the grown-child crazy:
"The days are gone when middle- and working-class parents could simply pass on their advantages, and, after either paying for college or providing a route to a good union job, rely on an expanding economy to provide upward mobility. In 21st century America, stable, well-paying jobs and self-supporting families have faded just as the gray flannel suit, unionized factory work, and the Cleaver household did in earlier eras.
In this context, children need more years to develop the emotional maturity, cognitive skills and social intelligence to navigate the challenges of uneasy transitions, fluid careers and changing families. Because they must postpone adult independence while developing these personal resources, their parents face tough new choices about how much and how long to support them.
The temptation or need to cut children loose conflicts with giving them the support to prepare for adulthood."
Oh, so that was the deal. Black parents were actually keeping their grown children hostage to help develop their emotional maturity. (I say Black because I grew up in a predominately Black albeit suburban environment). All of this time I thought grown boy was sitting up in moms' living room watching Scooby Doo because he was too distracted by self-indulgence to get a job. I guess I was wrong. (Folks, I'm joking, I'm joking). In all seriousness, I wonder if some black families keep their grown babies close in order to protect them from the uneven playing field of America. I wonder if some families are suffering from a long history of co-dependence and don't know how to break the habit. I wonder if it's all ridiculous and folks need to get courageous and just kick their 40 year-olds out. No more free grits and eggs.
Comments
I want to first begin by saying that I believe that Mr. Adkins makes an eloquent statement regarding the state of a specific subsection of the African American population. As a professor of psychology and a public school educator I can totally understand where he is coming from in asking the question about why this trend exists in the years in which the US has had the highest GDPs in its history.
It's important to consider that Mr. Adkins was not addressing the situations of hard working adults in transition or even those who moved home and provided as much benefit to their parents as living in their parents' homes provided to them. He is speaking specifically about a more recent generation who have been given opportunities that our grandparents fought and died for. Somehow after being given everything many have managed to gain nothing.
This is not at all about measuring your happiness or self worth by material things but rather by what one has contributed to the world. If these men were working hard, educating themselves on somethng other than Jay-Z and Xbox 360 games and building families and raising children that will be an asset to their communities and managed to do so from mom's basement there would be no article to write. What Mr. Adkins is getting at, I believe, is the waste of time and talent of these men who have been given such an easy ride that they have failed to launch out into the world in a way that is impactful.
We need every Black woman and every Black man to stand up and take their place...whether in corporate America, education, the practice of law or the department of sanitation...we need every hand, head, heart and bit of talent that we can harness if we will ever achieve in future generations the kind of impact that was achieved by our people in generations past. I believe that this is what we are talking about.
It doesn't take a Ph.D. to be a hero in one's community (although MLK did have one as did WEB DuBois etc)...all its takes is a caring heart and willing hands. That is what these men lack...a view of the world beyond themselves and a failure to understand their own value in the world around them...so they sit home and make Rock-a-fella records, Sean John clothing Co and Nike rich and never bother to enrich those who need them most.
They are failing America and their community and we need to stop placating them and press them to higher levels of both living and thinking...then our children will not have to search the internet for heroes because there will be one right there beside them...in every family, on every block and street corner... in every school building and church...our children and our people will get what they need and there will be no lack among us!
I think most of the time, when you have adults who always have lived with their parents (as opposed to those who move back in when facing a hard time), its because the parent doesn't have the heart to say no. I don't have children, but I know it would be hard for me to turn away my child not knowing where he/she was going to go if they couldn't stay with me. And sure, you know it's probably best for the child(adult) to be forced to make it on their own, but you also fear that they can't or won't. It takes a lot of strength and courage for that parent to turn their child away, even if he is pushing 40.
Sure, there are some adults who are in a transistion point in their lives (lost/changing jobs, breakup of a relationship, moving from one spot to another) that end up living with their parents for a time, and that's OK.
However, there are far too many 'adults' that have never at any point lived independently. My former DC neighborhood was filled with these 'adults' and to a person they were lazy and unmotivated but at the same time believed the world owed them something. This type of person will never make anything of themselves because their parent (almost never 2 of them) continues to let them live with minimal personal responsibility. People tend to live up or down to the expectations put on them, and this is no different.
زفة عائشه ليل السعاده راشد الماجد
زفه مشاعل والله وكبرتي الفنان عبدالمجيد عبدالله
زفه عائشه الفنان يوسف العماني
زفه عائشه القمر لو غاب الفنان اصيل ابو بكر
زفه عائشه اسفر الكون الفنان راشد الماجد
زفه عائشه هالليله عبدالمجيد عبدالله
زفه عقد الالماس محمد عبده
زفه حصه ليله وفيها شمس راشد الماجد وحسين الجسمي
زفه منى احبك محمد عبده
زفات
زفات
زفات حزين الجسمي
زفات 2009
موقع زفات
زفات اسلاميه
زفات للعروس
اغاني زفه
اغاني زفاف
زفات محمد عبده
زفات راشد الماجد
زفه حلوه
زفه اسلاميه
زفه شعريه
زفه راشد الماجد
Thanx for sharing.
Gregor S.
Sofort Free SMS kostenlos versenden.
Auf dem Free SMS Blog Handy News lesen.
Immer tolle SMS Sprüche senden.
Ein Handy Bundle Vertrag finden.
Einen Prepaid Vergleich machen, für den richtigen Tarif.
I grew up in my grandmother's house, as did my cousin. We had a unique living situation. My mother divorced my father when I was 3, and one day packed all our belongings and moved to my grandmother's. It was easier for my mom (then in her mid-30s) for us to live at my grandmothers, where she would have extra help with me and go back to work. By the time I was in Catholic school and my mom was shelling out $5K a year on my education, we all knew neither her or I were going to be moving out of grandma's anytime soon.
My uncle's wife left him (for a drug habit) along with my cousin. After a court battle for my uncle to receive permanent custody of my cousin, my grandmother encouraged my uncle to move in with the three of us, so my mom could help him raise my cousin. So I grew up in one house with my grandmother, cousin, mom and uncle. My cousin and I frequently referred to one another as brother and sister.
They all split the bills three ways and when my grandmother became sick (when my cousin and I were getting ready to graduate high school), the thought of my mom and uncle moving out just couldn't happen. Even when my cousin and I moved out, went to college, and got places of our own, my mom and his dad were still living with our grandmother, who they now had to take care of full-time.
It most definitely was economics and the generosity of an amazing woman who encouraged two of her adult (working, college-educated) children to move back in, with their own children in tow.
Well there are going to be alot more "intriguing" people in the coming years, because several generations in one home will become the norm. I assume you are a well-read man, and get information from a variety of sources about cultural, social, and economic trends. Therefore, you know that big business, the corporations, the beating heart of our unfettered free market capitalist system, is seeking the cheapest labor it can find in the world, pitting even the most skilled americans against similarly skilled people who will do the same work for much less in other parts of the world. Basically, outside of government and healthcare, the prognosis is very bleak for the average American in terms of earning potential. I consider myself very fortunate to have lived on my own in Oakland and to do so here in DC, and I know that in most of the world, and in America from here on out, living on your own, with a car, fresh out of high school or college, is a ridiculous fantasy. Sure, at one time living at home at 40 may have been a quirky thing to poke fun at, but things have changed. My Granddad had a paid off home and 2 Cadillacs off a sixth grade education. Does that make me a loser for having a one bedroom apt and a VW with a master's degree? Haven't you recognized the harm in encouraging people to base their happiness in what they've acqiured in this new economic landscape?
My uncle (who's fifty-something) has lived with my grandmother or across the street from her in a house she owns his entire life (this includes his wife and their FIVE kids). The reason he has done this is because he's a deadbeat who can't keep a job (got that back problem you know). His problem is that my grandmother spoiled the hell out of him and never made him leave. My dad on the other hand left when he was 19 (joined the military) and has been taking care of himself and his responsibilities.
I think it definitely partly the parents fault for not kicking these shiftless people out years ago. It's one thing if you have a financial setback (or it's right after college) and need to move home (for a short stay) to save money. It is an entirely different situation to be STILL living in your parents basement (after having never left) because you have no drive to do better for yourself. This is mooching to the nth degree.