llsideplank
This, folks, is a side plank.

I could hardly lift myself off the mat. Now that was disappointing.

We’d just finished doing planks, and were suppose to shift to the side-plank position. Kate the trainer and the one other soul in our modified boot camp moved with ease and grace. Me, I rolled onto my right side and became completely confused. My, the gravity seemed especially strong this morning. I swear I heard my hips laughing.

I’ve done side planks before, but this morning I couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around the concept. Maybe it was the lack of sleep – I tossed and turned for hours, probably getting two hours’ total of actual sleep. Whatever the reason, my synapses weren’t firing so I finally admitted to Kate I was dumbfounded.

Lift yourself up with your forearm, she said. Oh yeah!, I said, briefly raising my hips off the mat.  I was supposed to hold steady in the side-plank position while raising and lowering a 10-lb. kettlebell, but I crashed back onto the mat. Maybe I could use the kettlebell to steady myself, so I gave it a whirl: Lift, raise, tremble, plop.

I switched sides and was able to hold the position for maybe five seconds, max. I felt ridiculous, and mumbled something about practicing at home.

And I could practice at home if I had actually purchased one of the two Everlast kettlebells I saw at Ross last weekend. One was bright blue, the other was black, 10 and 15 pounds, respectively. They were only $12, each, which is a bargain considering that at Target, a 10-lb. kettlebell costs $30. At sporting goods stores, they cost even more.  Online? Shipping charges negate that.

Until this morning, I’d been thinking of going back and getting the blue one. Now – again – I’m not feeling thrilled about the stupid little things. Maybe once this six-week boot camp is over. Maybe.

Word is, someone recently stole at least one kettlebell from the gym. Can’t remember if Kate said if it was orange or yellow. People aren’t supposed to be in the trainers’ area unless they have an appointment, but I’ve seen people go over there to use equipment when no one’s around. I can’t imagine how someone would steal a kettlebell, though. Maybe if they were carrying their gymbag around from machine to machine, but that’s just weird because lockers are everywhere.

I suppose I could be generous and buy a kettlebell or two to donate to the gym, but that sounds a bit like aiding and abetting in the commission of a crime – the crime being these heinous kettlebell workouts.

Wouldn’t want to do that, now would we?

I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’   ~  Muhammad Ali

Leslie J. Ansley is an award-winning journalist and entrepreneur who blogs daily for TheRoot. She lives in Raleigh, NC.