happybday

In other words, I gained, then lost, then gained the same pounds over and over again this month.

Right now, I’m at 258 and holding – down the same 37 pounds I started the month with. However, I had lost an additional three pounds the first week, but managed to pack on six over a highly stressful 10-day period. Up and down I went, to where I am today.

I’d hoped to be down at least 50 pounds by now, and I’m trying very hard not to allow my disappointment to overshadow the good things I’ve accomplished. But it’s hard, especially when you’ve had a long history of blaming yourself for things completely out of your control. Losing weight and getting healthier is completely within my control, though, and that’s what I’m struggling with as we speak.

Still, of the many things I’ve learned about myself on this journey, it’s that I have no patience for whiners. I especially don’t like to hear myself whine, but fortunately there are a few folks in my life who’ll listen to me for a little bit, then remind me of all the positive things I have going on.

The good news is, I feel as if I’m starting anew. As I said last week, I’ve had an especially difficult time getting to the gym, so there’s no time like the present to get back into the swing of things. One of the many things that tripped me up in the past six weeks was juggling everyone else’s needs. Until we get another car, I often have to play chauffeur for my two young adults. Often, my son has to be at work at 6 a.m., so I let him just take my car. My daughter takes a full load of afternoon classes, then goes to work/practice at the gym directly after. I’ve gone several days without having driven my car once.

When I step back and take a look at the big picture, I notice I’m the only one hurting. So that’s changing, effective immediately.

First, back to the early-morning workouts. That means getting to the gym no later than 7:30. If Trey needs to be at work at 5 or 6 a.m., I’ll drop him off and go to the gym from there. The morning is my best time; it also means no more 3 a.m. bedtimes, which I’ve also been doing a lot lately. So, two problems solved.

Second, biweekly weigh-ins from here on out, results posted here and on the Less Leslie page on Facebook, along with more photos. Haven’t decided yet whether to do Fridays or Mondays. Probably Mondays, though. Accountability is a big part of this blog, and I look forward to readers holding my feet to the fire when necessary.

Third . . . I need to get back with my therapist, Tanza. That’s another thing I’ve had to put on hold to deal with all the extra expenses the past few months. The biggest ones of the summer have now passed, although with cheer season starting up, there are some doozies just around the corner. I need to continue working on unburdening myself of the past, strengthening my self-esteem and really, just sharing my thoughts with someone intelligent enough to make a difference.

Man, those sound like New Year’s resolutions. In a way they are, because we’re coming up on my favorite, most energetic time of the year: September through December.

More about that tomorrow. Today’s my birthday. I turn 49 at 1:44 p.m. EST, and I’m already planning a weeklong cruise of the Western Caribbean with family and friends to celebrate my 50th this time next year. More on that in a month or two.

Meanwhile, though it’s still August – the month I despise the most, in the season I dislike the most – it’s a day of celebration. I’ve confessed my “sins” and feel lighter and happier already.

 And yes, there’ll be cake tonight in the Ansley household, the third and last birthday cake of the month. We’re having vegetable lasagna and salad (so I’ll find out soon enough if I have a problem with cheese, which I’ve had precious little of since last week’s unfortunate vegetarian pizza incident).

Tomorrow’s a new beginning. Onward and upward!

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.   ~ Carrie Fisher

Leslie J. Ansley is an award-winning journalist and entrepreneur who blogs daily for TheRoot. She lives in Raleigh, NC.