jillianmichaels
She don't scare me none.

I’m down 27 pounds and holding, and not the least bit happy about it.  I’ve reached a plateau. My desire is flagging, my discipline is out the window. I’m always sleepy and craving sweets.

I’ve made promises to myself that I’ve broken, and though I’m healthier than I was when I started in February, I’m nowhere near where I wanted to in June, so it’s time to pull out the heavy artillery.

I contacted personal trainer Leslie Moraitis – for some reason, her name is really easy for me to remember – and requested two personal training sessions next week, and every week from here on out. First session: 6:45 a.m. Monday at the gym.

Leslie occasionally reads this blog, and knows I once (lovingly?) referred to her as “Demon Spawn from Hell” after one of her sessions. I’d paid for a couple of sessions, then dropped out because of the cost, and also because I didn’t think I was ready for her brutal sessions.

Honestly though, it was a good kind of brutality, if that makes any sense. The kind of intense workout I could love to hate.

And that’s exactly what I need right now.

I actually emailed Leslie last night. I’d been watching the new show Losing It with Jillian, and was inspired. I usually don’t watch un-reality shows like that and Biggest Loser, but there was nothing else on, and I needed some background noise while I was in the kitchen baking a cake for my son’s 22nd birthday. Forty minutes in, I emailed Leslie during a commercial.

I actually liked the show’s premise – Jillian Michaels has just one week to make a difference in a family’s life – and liked that it wasn’t just about eating the wrong foods, but exploring (however briefly) the root issues. And when the overweight husband and wife were getting Michaels’ trademark screaming-meemie treatment in the gym, I wanted to be there, too.

I know. Sick, right?

But that’s what the gym has taught me: It feels good to be pushed beyond your perceived limitations, though it definitely doesn’t feel great at the time. The prize is that sense of accomplishment; that feeling of healthy, renewed strength, and – and this just may be a me thing – a long, hot, soapy shower with a great-smelling body scrub and shower gel.

I’m dealing with some prickly issues on the homefront right now, and will be for some time to come, and I’ve allowed that to block out the sun a bit – although I didn’t fully realize to what extent until last night. And since I don’t believe in coincidences, I listened to my feelings and pulled a “top kill” on the flow of negativity.

I’m also grateful to my readers, who keep me encouraged. I’m working on a Facebook fan page, and as soon as I load in more pictures and past blog posts – including the very first one – I’ll invite everyone over to check it out.

Meanwhile, send up some prayers, and continue to let me know how you’re doing on your own journey.

You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through. ~ Rosalynn Carter