About Come Correct
2009
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EmailDear Come Correct:
The love of my life and I are getting married over the Christmas holidays. We grew up in the same city, so many of our nearest and dearest will be there. He and I are in perfect agreement about how much to spend, what we want to wear, what kind of wedding to have and who to invite. His family and my family have become friends, with one exception, and it's a big one.
His sister. She has been pretty vocal about how much she would rather him have married X (one of her friends) who "we're comfortable with, and who will fit in just great. She's already like my sister." Lena (which I swear is short for Evilena, but let me not go all the way there) has criticized every aspect of our choices--the when, the where, the who. She doesn't like my best friend's choice for the bridal shower venue ("I don't like their menu"). She says a small band is a waste of money (she doesn't know the DJs we consulted would charge us twice as much). She thinks we should have had twice as many guests as we're having "because some of my friends are hurt that they couldn't come"--but they're HER friends, not her brother's, and didn't offer to chip in for the extras when we explained we were staying within our financial guidelines. She refused to be in the wedding party if she had to wear the color I'd chosen (scarlet) for the bridesmaids "because I will look huge in that; it's not flattering to me." (She is 5' 8" and 210 lbs.)
So I gave in and changed the color: with her blessing, the bridesmaids are now wearing cream with deep garnet accents. (So much more slimming, right?). She's fine with that, thank god.
The final straw: Lena has pitched a flat-out hissy because she's in the wedding, but she's not the maid of honor. I think that honor should be reserved for someone who actually LIKES me, someone whom I actually WANT in my wedding. Do I have to give in to keep the peace? (My fiance, by the way, says I should choose the person closest to me; he and I have both asked out best friends to stand up with us.)
Signed,
Hostage to that Witch
Dear Hostage:
First, congratulations to you and your beloved: keeping such a sane outlook to starting your married life together has to be a very indication of a long and happy union.
Your almost sister-in-law may have issues totally unrelated to you specifically and more related to what she'd like and isn't getting: a wedding of her own. Her time will come, and she will have the opportunity to plan her menu, choose the band find a dress she truly loves.
In the meanwhile, this is your show, and you're the star. You've already shown admirable restraint, and since you and your honey are in agreement about your maid of honor and best man, just tell his sister "Courtney has been my best friend since pre-school. We've always pledged to stand up at each other's weddings and that's going to happen next month. I really hope you decide to remain in the wedding party--we're going to be sisters. But if you're not comfortable doing that, I understand. Just let me know and I may ask someone else to stand in for you."
You've done a good job of trying to ensure that your in-law doesn't become an out-law. Now it's time for Lena to grow up and honor (and support) her brother's choice.
Wishing you much happiness,
Come Correct
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Here's wishing you and your better half the best of everything. I'll keep on checking your articles.
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Your fiancee should be standing up for you.
...what is the soon-to-be husband doing in all of this? It's his sister for cryin' out loud! My sisters would have no bones putting it to me themselves if I was makin' noise like that in that situation and I would do the same to them. I mean if it was as simple as a beef between the two ladies they probably need to squash it on their own, but this is his wedding, too! Brother needs to man up and tell that heifer to shut up or head back to the cattle barn.
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you are too nice. I would have told sister girl where she could step off and how to get there. It's YOUR wedding...not hers. And it sounds like your husband to be is on your side so definitely ignore EVILena...LOL. I wouldn't have changed the colors (I'm sorry but at 210lbs...no color is going to make her look slimmer...I know...I come from a family with some sistas with some meat on their bones...and they know the deal). Do what makes you and your man happy. If she isn't paying for anything, she gets no say in how it's planned. And if she doesn't want to be in the wedding...I say good riddance. That means you won't have her negative energy messing up the good vibes on YOUR wedding day.
Your fiance and his sister need to have a come-to-Jesus talk. And if it were me, I'd tell her to shape up or ship out (of the wedding party, and the invite altogether). This is not her place to be making any decision on your behalf. I would have stuck to scarlet for the dresses as well.
Maybe someday she will have the opportunity to marry, and she can have all the say-so she can handle. Until then, it's up to your and your man exclusively.
for the bride to change the colors of her wedding party because ONE of the bridesmaids doesn't like the color? You're catering to a nasty, bossy, control freak who has issues with you marrying her brother. Keep acquiescing to her hissy fits and you'll end up with a wedding SHE wants instead of the one YOU want. Then you'll be miserable. You don't want to be miserable on your wedding day, do you?
She's a spoiled brat, stop accomodating her. Let HER be the only one on your happy day who is complaining and miserable. Believe me, everyone will notice sourpuss.
You can't do anything about her animosity towards you, but her brother should absolutely be the one to sit her down and tell her what's what and to stop bringing the drama. You should talk to him about it and ask him to please talk to his sister.
YOU choose your maid of honor, she doesn't get to deman that she be it. And if she can never get along with you becasue of the slight she will perceive you've given her, then that's just the way her cookie will have to crumble, isn't it? You get along with the rest of your husband-to-be's family just great and you've planned your day according to both your desires and budgetary allowances.
Do NOT let this jealous sister run and/or ruin YOUR wedding.
No, NO, and NOOOOO
It is your wedding, she is one of those people that is spoiled. Her way if the best way yada yada yada.... (or so she will always think so)
Again, It is your wedding. Ignor her - easier said than done but in the long run it is your wedding. Someone needs to seriously have a sit down with this woman and get her straightened out before your and your love's big day.
Best Wishes, Bless your union and Prayers for Many Many Many years of happiness..............