It's that time of year again--Black Friday has come and gone, the economy has been declared on the mend (perhaps prematurely, but the hope is we've seen the worst of it) and purse strings are loosening a little bit.  If you normally gift the people who are helpers, caregivers or who take care of your beauty and grooming needs, here's a reprise of the tipping guide many people found helpful last year.  Remember, it's a guide, not a mandate.  Any token of appreciation, however small, is usually received with gratitude because it meant you put thought in to pleasing the recipient.

Best wishes to all for a happy holiday filled with good memories of the season and beyond!

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Dear Come Correct:

I'm going to be spending the holidays with my cousins who live in a city where there are lots of celebrities. I am taking my camera with me, and I hope, hope, hope to get a couple of snapshots with a few stars while I'm there. She has already warned me to be cool with that. Is there a way to ask, so I don't embarrass my cousin but get my photo?

Snap Happy

Dear Snap:

To use the words of a popular fanzine: Stars--they're just like us! (Only more famous and way wealthier, duh.) I've heard them talk about this from time to time, and there are a few rules:

1) Usually if they're alone, they may consider a photo--especially if you're with your children, and the kids really want a photo: "Mr. Smith, my son Loren dressed up like Hancock for Halloween. Could he come shake your hand?"  A lot of people (and Will is one) are extremely gracious with children, will have them over, have mom snap the photo, wish you a good day and move on.  Don't get into a big conversation.  Do say thanks before you leave.

2) There are very few actors who don't enjoy hearing "Hi, Mr. Foxx--you were great in Collateral!"  Do tell them that if you want. Don't go much farther than that: "Who was that girl who co-starred with you, man? You tappin' that for real?"  Nuh-uh.

3) Don't disturb when they're out with their children, trying to have a "normal" afternoon.  Don't interrupt what looks like a romantic evening out to ask for an autograph.  Don't approach them when they're at their table in restaurants.  (Would you want to have to wash your hands several times before you got to eat? Think about it...)  If you're in line waiting for your car afterward, if you're at the bar before you're seated, feel free.

Stars are just like you and me in that we like to be reminded that people like us. Some are known for being gracious: Halle Berry, Tyra Banks, George Clooney, Meryl Streep--all are known for being extremely kind and approachable to their fans.

But where you and I can go home and shut the door for some down time, they don't always get that. Multiply your experience by 15 or 20 people per day, and that's how it feels to be Halle or Denzel or Oprah. They get that they are, in a sense, public property because it is the public that made them celebrities.  But they also get that they have some of the same needs as their less-famous admirers.  (Sleep, a hot meal and the need to use the bathroom without being stared at are a few examples.) Some days they're up for it; some days they want to be left alone.  Don't take it personally because it's usually not meant that way.

So enjoy your trip and keep your camera in  your back pocket.  But ask before you take a photo, and if you get one, say "thanks so much," wish them continued success, and return home with pleasant memories--and a visual reminder of what a great time you had.

I'd be interested in hearing what other people's experiences have been with approaching celebs.  Holla.

Dear Come Correct:

My best friend and I see each other a couple times a week.  We go to movies and museums, window-shop, hit the gym, and sometimes we just sit down and talk for an hour over a cup of coffee in a cafe.  We are in perfect harmony EXCEPT when we decide to eat out.  To put it bluntly, my best friend doesn't believe in tipping.  She's fine with paying her half of the bill--as long as the tip isn't included.  She says the restaurant pays its staff, and she doesn't need to add to it--especially if the service isn't up to her expectations.

So to keep the peace and to avoid embarrassment--and because I DO believe in tipping--I cover her half of the tip, too. Depending on what kind of meal it is, that can add up to $10 to my part of the shared bill.  (I usually tip around 15 percent if it's a diner or cafe, 20% if the service is more involved.  And, come to think of it, 20 percent in a diner if the server is really great.)

In the beginning, I didn't mind.  Now I'm starting to feel taken advantage of. I don't want to get to the point where I resent her, but I don't want to keep subsidizing her, either. What can I do?

The Tipping Point

Dear Tipping:

I'm guessing you've already explained to your friend that people who wait tables for a living are paid minimally and are expected to make it up with tips, and she either doesn't believe you or doesn't care.  So you have a couple of choices:

You can do things together that don't involve eating out;

You can go places where you pick up your food at the counter and everything is self-serve (the burger joint, the fried chicken joint, the taco joint, etc.)

You can explain upfront how things need to go: "Love you, babe, but if you want to eat here, we're gonna have to split the tip. You up for that, or should we go get a burger?" She knows ahead of time what the deal is. And you know whether or not she'll agree to it.

If you are both insistent on doing things your way, just take eating out off the list of things you do together, and your friendship stays intact.

Bon appetit!

Come Correct

Dear Come Correct:

The love of my life and I are getting married over the Christmas holidays.  We grew up in the same city, so many of our nearest and dearest will be there.  He and I are in perfect agreement about how much to spend, what we want to wear, what kind of wedding to have and who to invite.  His family and my family have become friends, with one exception, and it's a big one.

His sister.  She has been pretty vocal about how much she would rather him have married X (one of her friends) who "we're comfortable with, and who will fit in just great.  She's already like my sister."  Lena (which I swear is short for Evilena, but let me not go all the way there) has criticized every aspect of our choices--the when, the where, the who.  She doesn't like my best friend's choice for the bridal shower venue ("I don't like their menu").  She says a small band is a waste of money (she doesn't know the DJs we consulted would charge us twice as much).  She thinks we should have had twice as many guests as we're having "because some of my friends are hurt that they couldn't come"--but they're HER friends, not her brother's, and didn't offer to chip in for the extras when we explained we were staying within our financial guidelines.  She refused to be in the wedding party if she had to wear the color I'd chosen (scarlet) for the bridesmaids "because I will look huge in that; it's not flattering to me."  (She is 5' 8" and 210 lbs.)

So I gave in and changed the color: with her blessing, the bridesmaids are now wearing cream with deep garnet accents.  (So much more slimming, right?).  She's fine with that, thank god.

The final straw: Lena has pitched a flat-out hissy because she's in the wedding, but she's not the maid of honor.  I think that honor should be reserved for someone who actually LIKES me, someone whom I actually WANT in my wedding.  Do I have to give in to keep the peace?  (My fiance, by the way, says I should choose the person closest to me; he and I have both asked out best friends to stand up with us.)

Signed,

Hostage to that Witch

Dear Hostage:

First, congratulations to you and your beloved:  keeping such a sane outlook to starting your married life together has to be a very indication of a long and happy union.

Your almost sister-in-law may have issues totally unrelated to you specifically and more related to what she'd like and isn't getting: a wedding of her own.  Her time will come, and she will have the opportunity to plan her menu, choose the band find a dress she truly loves.

In the meanwhile, this is your show, and you're the star.  You've already shown admirable restraint, and since you and your honey are in agreement about your maid of honor and best man, just tell his sister "Courtney has been my best friend since pre-school.  We've always pledged to stand up at each other's weddings and that's going to happen next month.  I really hope you decide to remain in the wedding party--we're going to be sisters.  But if you're not comfortable doing that, I understand. Just let me know and I may ask someone else to stand in for you."

You've done a good job of trying to ensure that your in-law doesn't become an out-law.  Now it's time for Lena to grow up and honor (and support) her brother's choice.

Wishing you much happiness,

Come Correct