Blame It On The G-G-G-G-Gays!

This weekend the nation collectively celebrates securing its freedom from Britian. But as most people pop fireworks, pour drinks, and feast on BBQ, let us all sit back and bask in one of America’s favorite pastimes guaranteed by our independence: The right to publicly profess that you’re an ignorant bigot.

As most social conservatives have long told us, gay people are the bane of God’s existence. God abhors gay folk, does not even claim gay folk like that, and can’t wait to send us son back to Earth to throw them in a pit of fire – in their hot pants, preferably.

Now through relentless ranting we’ve come to understand how icky and vile the homosexual community is, but can you believe that God despises the gay community so much that he punished this country with the worst economic recession in half a century to teach us a lesson?

You would if you were nuttier than a case of Planters – or Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern.

In the “Morality Proclamation” she has proposed for the state of Oklahoma, Kern argues “abortion, pornography, same sex marriage, sex trafficking, divorce, illegitimate births, child abuse and many other forms of debauchery” is responsible for the country’s economic woes.

Did you get that? Our economic woes have nothing to do with crooked executives, racist predatory home loans, this country living beyond its means, nor former President George W. Bush launching an expensive unnecessary war. No, the heathens did it.

Damn them to hell or something.

Kern has also criticized President Obama for making June Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. Right, blame Obama, because he’s been so good to the gay community thus far.

So how can we fix the crisis?

The proclamation calls for God to grant a “national awakening of righteousness and Christian renewal as we repent of our great sin.”