In all the recent conversations about domestic violence sparked by the news, I have only read a few things about what men should do if hit by a woman, and the responses disturb me. I’ve heard the playground law: if someone hits you, you hit them back. That is reckless advice, because in the real world, that will get you put in the pokie, brothers. I know alot of men who have been attacked by women—including me— and felt helpless. All you can do is call the police, and they may or may not do anything. Depending on her story, they may take you away instead. In some states, both parties take a trip to the station house. But I promise you even though there has been research to suggest that women are the aggressor more times than we think—domestic violence charges on a man stick more times than not, and the reason is simple.
Cops are most often the first judges in these situations, and they are looking for physical signs of an altercation. Women probably won’t leave marks when they assault thier partner, and a man–even in an attempt to vigorously restrain a woman–is likely to leave bruises or injury (about 62% of the time, according to one study), which are often the indicators cops use to determine who goes to jail. When it comes to prosecution, it’s almost about who got the last, best lick off: if she blacked your eye, she’s going to jail—probably. If she has any visible scrapes or bruises at all, you’re going. And it’s a felony, lest we forget—not a good look. So hitting her back? Not the smartest move.
Someone said in the comment section of a really hot joint that “equal rights means equal accountability,” and this is a gospel I have been preaching for years. Years. But in domestic violence cases, that doesn’t always apply. Even in the movies–aside from horror films like The Color Purple–I see alot of women hitting men onscreen, without consequence—what’s up with that? Some men say you let a woman hit you once, then twice, then it’s on. But why is that even a negotiable? Why do so many women think it’s OK to hit a man? Are men gonna have to learn some kinda Chick Fu to deal with that? I’m not—you hit me? I’m out. And that seems like the best way out for men: the front door… but what, you gonna leave her alone in your house to destroy it? Seriously?
It’s an emotional issue, but I wonder what ladies think men should do when being engaged physically by a woman.