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I’m unclear as to how the Cincinnati Bengals’ Adam “Pacman” Jones still has a job. When it comes to playing football, he’s decent, but when it comes to causing trouble, he’s amazing. He’s literally world-class.

Recently Jones was arrested for doing Pacman stuff (which usually means cursing someone out or spitting on someone or fighting someone). According to reports, Jones, while in Cincinnati’s downtown entertainment district on Jan. 3, went HAM and allegedly pushed a security guard and poked someone in the eye. He was arrested for assault, disorderly conduct and other charges, including that he spit on a nurse.

Now the police have released the dashcam footage, which shows Pacman reciting Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18; you know, the one that goes, “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Fine. The video shows Pacman going batshit crazy. He calls the officer a “bitch-ass nigga,” tells the officer to “suck my dick” and adds, “I hope you die tomorrow.”

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