They all look like oracles now, cinnamon-colored soothsayers, thick-haired prophets, those lone black folks who stood early and alone for the orange man with the wistful comb-over and the penchant for vile, racist comments. He’s our president now, whether we like it or not, and like obedient slaves before them, those black folks are surely looking for a place inside the house, and if not the house, then the Cabinet.
Below is a look at the five most visible African Americans who not only stumped for Trump but also risked public ridicule, and permanent banishment from cookouts to come, to push their man into the White House, and the jobs they might hold during his presidency.
1. Omarosa Manigault
I feel kind of sad whenever I see Omarosa placing herself close to Trump in photos or onstage since his presidential win. Mostly because I think Omarosa could have been someone legit, like a real business-minded person with goals and dreams. Now she just seems like a shell of a person who knows her best move is to stay close to the man with money. Like the weed holder in a rap group, the close friend of an NBA draftee or the person in the passenger side of her best friend’s ride, Omarosa has become a scrub.
Don’t get me wrong; if you’re going to be a scrub, it’s best to be a scrub to the elite. As President Scrub (her official title), she will say things like “we” when referring to herself. All of her Instagram photos will be captioned, “We out here!” or “We in here!” or “When we step up in Congresssssssss!” In fact, she’s already started.
She will act as if the White House is her house when Trump’s not there. She will FaceTime people from the Oval Office with her feet up on Trump’s desk. This is not a paid position, but Omarosa will not have to work as long as Trump is in office.
2. Diamond and Silk
Oh man, these two take me back to vaudevillian days when blackface was all the rage. If you’re not familiar with Diamond and Silk, think the women from the movie BAPS but older and infatuated with Trump. The funniest part is that they are serious about their love for the Donald, and so serious about profiting off of their faux celebrity. They have a website and a following.
I wish that there were more to them besides being the women who lightweight-cooned it up for Trump, but sadly, this is their claim to fame. As such, I envision both Diamond and Silk—they are conjoined, they have one Twitter page, one YouTube channel and therefore count as one person—as Executive Entertainers in Chief.
I imagine Trump and Vladimir Putin finishing off a steak dinner in the formal dinning room and Trump leaning back in his seat asking if Putin’s had a chance to see Diamond and Silk’s performance. Putin will look puzzled, as he only knows diamond and silk to be an exquisite jewel and a fine fabric. In they walk and perform Southern blackness at its best, “honey chiles” and all, much to the leaders’ delight.
3. Katrina Pierson
Katrina Shaddix’s life reads like a Dickensian fairy tale. Born to a 15-year-old mother in poverty, she was raised around unsavory types. Young Katrina persevered in spite of her upbringing. Then, just five days shy of her 21st birthday, she was arrested after she and a friend stole nine pieces of clothing from a J.C. Penney store in Plano, Texas. She pleaded no contest and received no jail time. She would marry young and have a child of her own.
Then something happened. Katrina Shaddix became Katrina Pierson, and the woman who voted for Obama in 2008 was an activist in the Tea Party movement by 2009. Pierson would go on to champion onetime GOP presidential candidate Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas, and that relationship would introduce her to Trump. She would become Trump’s national spokesperson.
I envision Pierson’s tenure with Trump being twofold: Pierson will become the Senior Spouter and Official Interpreter of Trumpian Language. She and Trump speak the same bizarre mix of hatred, lies, complete fabrications and made-up hysteria. Their language is a series of double-talk, blame and catchphrases. Think of her as Trump’s Luther. Since winning the election, Trump has been trying to reinvent himself as a kinder, softer uniter in chief, and if this remains, who better than Pierson to channel his inner racist?
4. Dr. Ben Carson
Uncle Ben Carson. We know you well. We know your rise from poverty to become one of the most decorated surgeons in the world. We also know that your run for president exposed some pretty crazy positions about America. We learned that you could jump over 6-foot-tall fences when running from fat police officers and that you once avoided being robbed in a Baltimore Popeyes “organization” by pointing the robber toward the guy behind the cash register.
You might be one of the smartest men in Trump’s Cabinet, but I’m concerned that your own cabinet might be short a few packets of ramen noodles. It seems as if you burned out early, that the majority of your brains got used up doing the Lord’s work, and who are we to judge? As such, I expect your role in Trump’s crew to be akin to Clarence Thomas’ role on the Supreme Court. You will become the Designated Black Guy. You will show everyone how to do the Cupid Shuffle. You will explain terms like “on fleek.” You will count toward us, but we all know we lost you some time ago.
5. Pastor Darrell Scott
During an election party for Trump at Trump Tower in New York City, a caller for Hillary Clinton’s campaign rang Pastor Darrell Scott to ask if he was voting for her.
“Hell no,” the pastor replied. “I’m voting for Trump. I hate Hillary. … I hate Hillary. My whole family hates Hillary!”
It’s easy to dismiss Scott. Inside his pastoring, he’s got the air of a smooth-talking slickster who’s just ingratiating himself to Trump. His hair is always perfectly coiffed, his collars are always wide and his talk is always extra.
But that would really be to sell Scott short. Scott was born in the ’50s and lived through the racial hatred of the ’60s. He truly believes that Trump is going to make the world a better place for African Americans.
Such is life for the pastor who prayed, or preyed, on and for Trump. I expect his role to be the Pastor Inside the Misogynist’s Palace, or resident PIMP. As the resident PIMP, he will continue to use religion as a weapon. He will continue to trick religion out. He will continue to put religion on the stroll while standing next to Beelzebub.
Stephen A. Crockett Jr. is a senior editor at The Root. Follow him on Twitter.