How Outsiders Can Become Allies

Chris Matthews' rant over the GOP and race inspired this advice on how to support groups you don't belong to.

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The Rogue Ally adheres to the Ally rules except for one problem: Rogue Allies don't quite understand how their privilege affects their understanding and actions. They don't see how the language they use and arguments they make become problematic, a hindrance to the now-shared cause.

Trust me, I know. I've been a Rogue Ally. Just recently I had to be checked on a pro-choice argument I was about to make about a Politico op-ed that accused Barack Obama of being an "abortion extremist." In attempting to help, I planned to throw out the common argument "No woman wants an abortion," not realizing that in making that statement, I was playing into the shaming of women who have their personal reasons for seeking an abortion.

The right to control their bodies doesn't need any disclaimers or justifications. Choice is choice. Luckily I keep folks around me to make sure I don't end up being that guy.

So how does one be an Ally? I came up with my own guide, which I use when I throw on my Ally hat.

The EJW Super-Simple Ally Rules (#EJWSSAR)

1) Speak out when you can. Speak out even if it may be uncomfortable.
2) Seek counsel from the group for which you're being an Ally. Listen to their critiques. Try to understand ...
3) ... and when you don't, simply be quiet until you do.

In possibly my favorite episode of South Park, "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson," Stan repeatedly attempts to apologize to Token, his black classmate, about his dad's usage of the word "nigger." After being constantly rebuffed, Stan finally walks up to Token at the end and says this:

Token, I get it now: I don't get it. I've been trying to say that I understand how you feel, but I'll never understand. I'll never really get how it feels for a black person to have somebody use the n-word. I don't get it.

It's OK not to get it. I try to be an Ally to numerous groups, but sometimes I just don't get it. But I don't have to get it. If there's a widespread thought or understanding accepted by the majority of a group as their truth, then my lack of understanding is a personal issue. I may not be at the forefront of the fight during those times, but I will support the work and actions of those who do understand.

We need Allies. The marginalized can't be left to speak up for themselves every time. But along with being an Ally comes a responsibility. Remember that.