Making a Home From His and Hers

Home is where the heart is, but when one spouse moves into the other's space, the newest occupant might just feel like a squatter, writes Ebony marriage columnist Mrs. Rocque.

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In an Ebony column, newlywed couple the Rocques share their experience of moving from Brooklyn, N.Y., to Chicago and the effect it has had on their marriage. Mrs. Rocque admits that she feels more at home in Kanye West's hometown than she did in her own stomping grounds of the Big Apple because in their new apartment, everything is theirs.

While living in Brooklyn, I ended up moving in to Mr. Rocque's place because he owned his apartment, so it made sense. However, the energy was off because we began making more and more room for my stuff, which made me feel like a space invader because my shoes, accessories, appliances and office items were taking over. Even when we got hitched, it still didn't feel likeour space and I still felt like a squatter. Eventually, we started looking for a two-bedroom apartment. Unfortunately, New York is extremely expensive, so our search wasn't very productive and we continued to feel trapped in a cramped apartment. Being in love is wonderful but everybody needs their personal space and to feel comfortable in their living quarters, which was easier for the Mr. than it was for me since he had already laid down roots in that apartment.

Now that we're in Chicago, we've started from scratch with a bigger place and have been able to make decisions, together, about where to place furniture and décor, and it finally feels like our home, which allows both of us to relax. I'm no longer an invader and the feng shui feels right because it's not my stuff versus his, everything is ours.

Read the entire Lovers Rocque column at Ebony.com.

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