Out-of-Touch Romney: Move Back to Detroit

In an imaginary war room, Mitt Romney's aides strategize about ways to fix his image problem.

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images; Bill Pugliano/Getty Images

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Jim: Exactly. We’ve been sending out Mrs. Romney to humanize Mr. Romney, and her interview Monday with Fox’s Neil Cavuto was generally fine. She looked fantastic in the gray suit and talked movingly about the rigors of presidential campaign travel and the challenge battling multiple sclerosis.

But then she said, “I don’t even consider myself wealthy … It can be here today and gone tomorrow.” Guys, by anybody’s measure, in any country, a family with an estimated net worth of $250 million is very, very wealthy. Stack her up against Michelle O.

Silence. It’s hard to believe the black guy actually spoke.

Finally, from the senior strategist: Jim, what’s your Detroit argument?

Jim: Let’s move the whole campaign to Detroit, just for a week. The average house costs, what, $7,500?

Senior strategist: Ha! It’d be good to get off the East Coast, into The Other America. Too expensive.

A junior strategist speaks up: Can we buy a whole block?

Jim: Oh, yeah. The folks in Michigan would love it.

Senior strategist: We can have dinner parties and invite a couple of unemployed autoworkers, engineers. Maybe Kid Rock, too. Eminem could play “Lose Yourself,” because we all need to lose ourselves a bit. Ditch the suits.

Jim: Um, it’s Detroit. So we need some Motown flavor — maybe Kem?

Senior strategist: Who?

Jim: Look him up. Anyways, don’t let the city’s spinmeisters point us only to the gleaming downtown football stadium and restaurants, and hipster-heaven bars that get all the media buzz. Detroit’s very cool, and we’ll have a great time. But let’s keep that on the DL.

Senior strategist: Right. We just need to show America we’re connecting with regular folks, that we can slug it out in the neighborhoods. How’s security there? And what about Ann?