When I arrived at the Home for Retired Racial Stereotypes, a sinister-looking armored Humvee was idling at the curb with Tonto at the wheel. Buckwheat and the Kingfish, both dressed in black ninja suits and Rambo-style bandannas, were carrying heavy camouflage-colored boxes out to the car while Charlie Chan and the Frito Bandito, in similar garb, stood guard with assault rifles by the front door.
“What in the world is going on here?” I demanded.
“We on a secret mission, White,” Buckwheat squeaked, in what would have been a grim tone if he hadn’t been squeaking. “Our country needs us.”
“Needs you for what?” I asked insistently.
“To get back on course after the midterm elections,” Buckwheat explained as he marched back into the home to pick up another box. “If we don’t succeed, America is doomed.”
“What makes you think that?” I continued.
“Because if we don’t succeed in our mission, the country’s never going to put people back to work, fix the schools and stop all these foreclosures,” snapped Buckwheat. “We ain’t got a moment to waste.”
“That’s right,” the Kingfish interjected. “If we wait until the Republicans take control of the House of Representatives, it will be too late.”
As the two racial stereotypes threw the last of the boxes into the Humvee, Charlie Chan and the Frito Bandito clambered down from the porch and leaped into the rear compartment, slamming the steel door behind them. Tonto gunned the motor.
“But where are you going?” I asked in an incredulous tone.
“Why, to rescue President Obama and put him back in the White House so he can take command of the country, of course,” the Kingfish replied, as he checked his assault rifle. “So stop asking us stupid questions so we can get started!”