Kingfish Sues Sarah Palin for Theft of Intellectual Property

The retired racial stereotype says the former Alaska governor has ripped off one of his favorite words, and he wants justice. Enter his lawyer -- Algonquin J. Calhoun, of course.

Getty Images

When I arrived at the Home for Retired Racial Stereotypes, the Kingfish and his lawyer, Algonquin J. Calhoun, were huddled in a corner, whispering to each other in conspiratorial tones.

"What are those two cooking up?" I asked my friend Buckwheat, the famous Our Gang character.

"Here I is, Brother White," Buckwheat squeaked. "And what those two are cooking up is an intellectual-property lawsuit."

"An intellectual-property lawsuit?" I replied incredulously. "What intellectual property do those two scoundrels from The Amos 'n' Andy Show have that could possibly be of any value?"

"Well, for one thing, there's Kingfish's unique way with words," Buckwheat responded. "There's nobody who can torture Standard English into Ebonical phraseology like he can! Like turning 'typographical' into 'typogiraffical'! Or that time when he examined Andy's eyes and told him he saw 'a tear duck' swimming by. The man's a master of malapropism, and he deserves to profit from it! It's what made him a star."

"I never looked at it that way," I said.

"It's about time you gave him credit for genius," Buckwheat huffed. "Anyway, somebody has been moving in on his linguistic turf, and he wants Calhoun to go to court right away and stop it! It's already cost him a job!"

"Really?" I demanded.

"Yep," said Buckwheat. "Remember when the Drug Enforcement Agency people started looking for some folks to translate Ebonics into Standard English so they could understand what some black drug dealers they were wiretapping were saying? Kingfish applied, but they turned him down for a better-qualified candidate."

"Is that so?" I asked.