“Say what?” I gasped in further surprise.
“My dissertation concerns itself with utilizing Fanonian concepts of revolutionary self-actualization to deconstruct racially oppressive, infantilizing imagery of pre-adolescent, gender-ambivalent characterizations of Afro Americans in 1930s cinema,” Buckwheat went on. “From now on, I would prefer to be addressed as Dr. Wheat.”
Just then the Kingfish and Sapphire strolled over to our table. I couldn’t help noticing that she was wearing a sleeveless blouse that accentuated her surprisingly well-toned biceps.
“She’s been working out every day since Barack’s speech to the joint houses of Congress,” the Kingfish said proudly.
Then the notoriously dysfunctional married couple told me they were starting a marriage counseling service “to help promote the importance of stable and supportive family relationships, like Barack and Michelle’s,” said Sapphire.
“Oprah’s having us on next week to discuss it,” said the Kingfish. “It will be the first time I’ve been on television since the NAACP led a boycott of Amos ‘n’ Andy during the 1950s because it was racially demeaning.”
As I tried to wrap my mind around what I was hearing, Sapphire chimed in. “Don’t tell anyone, but we’ve already lined up our first clients,” she said, lowering her voice to a confiding whisper. “Rihanna and Chris Brown.”
I almost fell out of my chair.
Jack White is a regular contributor to The Root.