Consent, Explained, for People Who Still Don’t Get It

Why does Amber Rose have to explain this to Tyrese and Rev. Run in 2016?

Amber Rose, Tyrese and Rev. Run on It’s Not You, It’s Men on OWN
Amber Rose, Tyrese and Rev. Run on It’s Not You, It’s Men on OWN YouTube screenshot

Who is Rev. Run? And who is Tyrese?

Rev. Run is a hip-hop legend who’s made a second career out of disseminating homespun, succinct and alliterative aphorisms that manage to sound 17 times wittier and wiser than they actually are. He’s basically the working-class man’s Steve Harvey. And Tyrese? Well, Tyrese is a man with an amazing smile and an amazingly adversarial relationship with grammar. And spelling. And sense. He hates grammar the way Ben Carson hates coffee.

Together, they have a show called It’s Not You, It’s Men, which airs on OWN and provides them a platform to share dating and relationship advice. Because it’s apparently not 2016 anymore and we’re back in 2007.

Why are we talking about them today?

Last week, world-famous Earth Muva Amber Rose appeared on the show, and a conversation about why it’s not cool to grab and grope women on the dance floor, even if that woman is dressed in a manner that a person might consider suggestive, segued into the concept of consent.

Rose: “If I’m laying down with a man—butt-naked—and his condom is on, and I say, ‘You know what? No. I don’t want to do this. I changed my mind,’ that means no. That means f–king no. That’s it.”

Naturally, both Tyrese and Rev. Run balked at this. Tyrese made literally the worst analogy anyone has ever made, saying that if you saw a guy with a basketball uniform on, you’d … force him to play basketball. Or something. (Which means the next time Tyrese is wearing Timberlands, someone should force him to help install some drywall.) Rev. Run chimed in, too, with, “Dress how you want to be addressed”­—which was either stolen from someone’s cousin’s Facebook meme or will be stolen by someone’s cousin for a Facebook meme.

So, I have to say that I agree with Tyrese and Rev. Run here. I mean, how are they in the wrong and Amber Rose in the right? How realistic is it to expect men not to grope or grab if a woman’s sex parts are exposed? Or for a man to just be cool if a woman is naked in bed with him and decides she doesn’t want to have sex?

First, I’m going to need you to remove “sex parts” from your vocabulary. Like, forever. Take it out back, shoot it in the face, burn it and feed its remains to a pigeon.

Are you done feeding the pigeons yet?

Yes.

OK. Well, let me paint a scenario for you:

Let’s say you asked to borrow my car for tomorrow. And I was like, “Sure! You can borrow the hell out of my car tomorrow!” And then tomorrow came. And you came by to borrow the car. But I changed my mind and said, “Not today.” And then you went and took the keys and the car anyway. That would be car theft—a crime—right?

Of course!

Would it still be a crime if you really were looking forward to borrowing the car?

Yes!

How about if I gave you the reason for not allowing you to borrow the car today and you didn’t agree with it.

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