My Daughter Wants Me to Find Her a New Mom

My Thing Is: Fighting for custody when my fiancee passed away was hard. Managing my 3-year-old’s desperation for a mother figure is heartbreaking.

The author with his daughter, Cydney
The author with his daughter, Cydney Courtesy of Chad Milner

Later that afternoon, Cydney came running into the den where I was watching TV with her toy smartphone, letting me know that “Neighbor” was on it and she needed to speak to me. I was informed that I was buying the three of us Cokes. Right after, Cydney wanted the phone back so they could finish their discussion.

I told my friend—my daughter’s new fantasy mom—that Cydney needs her right about now, and she has graciously made sure to reach out to her. Cydney gets so excited when she sees the phone ringing and knows who it is. She’ll do things while on the phone and ask, “Did you see that?” During these conversations, she couldn’t be happier.

Maybe she sees something in this person that I don’t, and her possible role in both of our lives. I’m an adult, and jaded. However, she isn’t. I won’t read too much into it, but I am paying attention.

One last thing … last night while playing, Cydney uttered, seemingly out of nowhere, “Timile, my mom, died because she was sick, and I want a mom.”

I found myself promising, “I’ll find you a stepmom.” She didn’t hear a word I said and went right back to her toys.

Chad Milner is a project manager in Long Island, N.Y., who writes a blog about his (mis)adventures with his daughter, Cydney, at, where the original version of this piece appeared. A Morehouse College graduate who wears many hats, he has contributed to various websites and documentaries on parenting, dating, relationships and music since deciding that he wanted to “try this writing thing out.” 

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