How to Deal With Friends’ Racist Reactions to Ferguson

Race Manners: Michael Brown’s death didn’t cause a divide between you and the people in your social networks. It simply revealed one. Use the information you’re getting to decide which relationships you value. 

Police officers arrest a demonstrator on Aug. 18, 2014, in Ferguson, Mo.
Police officers arrest a demonstrator on Aug. 18, 2014, in Ferguson, Mo. Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Dear Race Manners:

I have been so offended and angered by what some of my friends on Facebook have said about Michael Brown and the situation in Ferguson (he was a thug, he deserved it, black people destroy their own communities, blacks are criminals, all the police officers in Ferguson should quit because blacks don’t appreciate them and more). I feel as though I don’t know some of my former classmates. You would be shocked if I gave you the quotes, believe me—so heartless and sometimes flat-out racist.

To be honest, my heart is already heavy for Michael’s family and the Ferguson community and for the way we are seen and treated in this country, so sometimes I don’t have the strength to respond, but I’m both hurt and frustrated, not to mention angry. What to do? —Anonymous

It’s no surprise that you’re seeing a racial divide in the reactions to what happened in Ferguson, Mo. A poll conducted by Pew showed that blacks are about twice as likely as whites to say that the shooting of Michael Brown “raises important issues about race that need to be discussed.”

To be clear—as plenty of people pointed out to me on Twitter when I shared those results—that doesn’t mean that only nonwhite people care about Brown’s death or are sensitive to the racial dynamics of this week’s events in Ferguson, including the treatment of protesters in the predominantly black town by a militarized police force. Americans of all backgrounds are completely horrified—for proof of that, just check the photos from the scene, including the one of the 90-year-old Holocaust survivor getting arrested at a demonstration.

But you’re among many who are struggling to make sense of how identity can inform assessments of this ongoing tragedy. One author wrote, “I Don’t Know How to Talk to White People About Ferguson.” My own friends have sent me screenshots of their nonblack friends’ commentary, accompanied by outraged emails (“Can you believe he said this?”). Others have voiced frustration about what they say is near-silence on the topic among the diverse users who fill their feeds.

I’m not surprised at all that you’re seeing reactions that you deem “heartless and sometimes flat-out racist.” Revealed today was an image of Brown’s dead body photoshopped to appear as if it were surrounded by food, and the antics of a police officer who shared a photo of another man (who was not actually Brown), accompanied by the sarcastic statement, “I’m sure Michael Brown was innocent and just misunderstood. I’m sure he is a pillar of the Ferguson community.” Just a couple of days ago I personally overheard a man saying he was “sick of hearing about that kid who got shot,” and asking “Who cares!” (To be fair, he also dismissed Robin Williams’ suicide as irrelevant, for racial balance.)

So, what to do? My take, generally, is that Facebook is a terrible place to change minds or worldviews in the midst of developing news events. Everyone’s emotional. Everyone’s defensive. Nobody keeps the debate on track.

But here’s what Facebook comments are good for: revealing data about whether you want your “friends” to be your friends any longer. That is, of course, if you believe, as I do, that the way someone responds to other people’s pain and mistreatment—including the systemic mistreatment of entire groups of people—is a perfectly fine way to decide whether he or she is someone you like or want to continue to interact with.

Call me intolerant, but my view is that, if someone’s reaction to an unarmed black teenager being killed is to announce that he probably deserved it, that person is not someone I’m interested in being associated with, and I won’t miss him or her a bit after I hit “block.” There are too many compassionate and smart people in the world for me to waste even a fraction of my social media scrolling time on interactions with people who are either racist or unintelligent and insensitive enough to appear so.