Women Are Expected to Buy Men Drinks Now? I Quit

My Thing Is: I guess the rules of courtship are changing too fast for me. Being single is already tough, but this new development makes it feels like the Hunger Games ... make that the Thirsty Games.

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Diana Veiga

Courtesy of Diana Veiga

There are a million tales I could tell about the joy, agony and angst of being single. If not a million, then definitely a thousand. OK, hundreds. But today you get this one—said in my best Sophia Petrillo-from-The Golden Girls voice.

Picture this: Washington, D.C. Present day. A young woman is sitting at the bar chatting it up with a young man. They’re laughing and talking.  

“Would you like a drink?” he asks.

“Why, yes, thank you,” she says as she motions the bartender over (because there’s no telling how long this window will be open). A drink is poured. She sips it. More chatting ensues. And then this happens: The young man says something along the lines of, “Do you want to buy me a drink?” or, “It would be nice if you got me a drink.”

Wait. What?

“I don’t think I want to do that,” the young woman replies.

But it’s not over. She’s now subjected to a diatribe about why women don’t buy men drinks or take men out on dates and how “men deserve these things, too.” She feels hoodwinked, bamboozled and led astray. What kind of bait and switch is this? Was this the plan all along? (Meanwhile, she’s downing that one drink and looking for the nearest exit sign, all while wondering if this is truly life.)

Well, y’all, that young woman is me. This has really happened. More than once. And it’s making me wonder if something about dating has changed that I need to know about, and if the rules of courtship are changing too fast for me to keep up—or even want to.

Is this a trend? Is this the new world order? If so, I wish someone would let me know so I can go reserve some cats and take up knitting—because I want no part of this world.

As a grown, independent, stronnggg black woman (insert sarcasm here) who works a job and pays her own bills, I don’t expect any man to buy me a drink—or, really, anything. Nor do I expect to be charged in liquor for conversation. So I was truly surprised when one of the dudes who went on a “Women need to buy me drinks” tirade informed me that women had done this before, at his request. 

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Sept. 19 2014 8:34 AM