Dear Disgruntled Dater: We’re Sorry. Don’t Quit

Here’s a letter of apology to the young woman who wants to give up because a man wanted her to buy him a drink.

I understand there is a danger, however, if a man’s personal actions toward a woman are misinterpreted. If a man feels compelled to open a door, buy a drink, etc., just because he’s the man, then he might apply that same logic in all circumstances. In other words, if in his mind a woman is the “weaker” sex, then perhaps she also must be protected in the office from tougher assignments, the bigger workloads, promotions, etc., which are so often doled out by men. That type of thinking is wrong and can be harmful.

Like you, I believe it’s possible to adhere to “traditional” principles of politeness and be considerate in personal dealings without being degrading. But, as Momma Holmes (expert) went on to explain, it’s a shame that we’re in a time when even being a gentleman or having an expectation of being a gentleman has to be defended.

It’s important to note that we are not discouraging you from offering to buy us a drink, if you’re so inclined. It’s a delightful gesture that I hope my fellow brothers would accept with the proper graciousness. But you have every right to be appalled if a brother asks you to buy him a drink and then berates you after he makes the request, as if you need to get with the program. If you ever find yourself in that situation again, please don’t hesitate to call our 24-hour hotline (800-GET-YA-BOY). We’ll have someone on standby who can hopefully resolve the situation immediately. 

Again, please accept my apologies for your unfortunate experiences. We are striving to do better, but we fall short sometimes. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Your feedback is welcomed and appreciated. We want to make things right. We can’t afford to have even one sista quit on us.


Coalition of Brothers to Save Chivalry

T.J. Holmes is a journalist and TV personality. Formerly of CNN, he can currently be found at MSNBC, and his commentary can be found online. Follow him on Twitter.