If You Stand Up Your Man, Don’t Be Surprised When He Replaces You 

Ask Demetria: When you refused to attend an important work event, you violated one of the most important relationship rules.

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Do understand that he wanted to take you. You canceled on him. He is there with someone else because you canceled. He didn’t tell you not to come. You told him you weren’t going. You are responsible for this whole bad scenario.

By the way, I’m shocked that you think his friend should have offered to stay. That’s his friend, and she’s nice to you when you come around out of respect for her boy. But make no mistake, her loyalty is to him. And when you showed up at the house, she was pissed at you for doing her friend dirty. I don’t know why you expected her to do you any favors or make things easier for you.

This is an unfortunate scenario for everyone involved, and to be honest, I'll be really surprised if you're still in a relationship come Christmas. When a relationship gets to this level of antics during an argument, someone's usually on the way out. Even when you are upset, you don’t bail on your partner. You show up for them, and argue it out afterward.  

I imagine you still want to save this relationship, so you need to offer a heartfelt apology for deliberately inconveniencing him. He may forgive you. As someone who has been on the other side of this situation, it will be very difficult for him to get beyond this. There’s little point in being in a relationship with someone whom you can’t trust to come through for you when you need them.

Whether the relationship works out or not, let this be a lesson to you to watch what you say when you're mad, and that every action has a reaction.

Good luck! 

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor at The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

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