Have you ever played that game where you try to one-up Scandal’s writers’ room and come up with the craziest thing that could happen next? No? Good, because you’ll lose. Every. Single. Time.
In last night’s episode, “YOLO,” our favorite Washington wunderkinds put on their white hats to ride in and save Olivia’s mom, the mysterious Maya Lewis. Everyone, that is, except for Huck, who fell off the wagon in a major way. The one-time professional hit man, who went to AA meetings for his “addiction” because “Killers Anonymous” doesn’t exist, greased his rusty torture skills on our duct-taped damsel in distress, Quinn. Meanwhile back at Ranch Beene, Cyrus is still reeling from his husband James’ seedy rendezvous with Daniel Douglas Langston. Forget that it was Cyrus who rented out James to begin with.
The entire hour was like The Twilight Zone—things were topsy-turvy. People we thought were baddies might be goodies, and the heroes might be villains. Folks we thought were sorta on the right side of the fight—Huck, Mama Pope, Veep Sally Langston—all ended up much shadier by the final credits. Here “YOLO” stands for “you only live once, so why not do something super-illegal while you can.” These are the top quotes from folks whose moral compass has suddenly gone haywire.
1. “I’m disappointed in you, Quinn, you’ve been a bad girl.” —Huck, just before he decides to go all cray-cray on his former protégée
Be honest: Did you really think Huck was going to go through with this whole “bind-torture-kill” thing? Or did you think he just wanted to scare Quinn so badly that a little bit of pee and a whole lot of honesty came out? I’m sure both happened right after he yanked out Quinn’s molars with a pair of pliers.
2. “Drop your allegiance to Jesus and pledge it to politics.” —Leo Bergen to Sally Langston, right before she resigns as veep to run against Fitz in the next election
Leo Bergen is basically the opposite of Olivia. Where her soul is white and shining, Leo’s is black and slimy. The fact that he gets the angelic and evangelical Sally Langston to eschew her beliefs for stuffed ballot boxes proves just how persuasive the devil can be.
3. “That Daniel Douglas. I got him to go deep.” —James, in his episode-long attempt to torture his husband, Cyrus, with puns
Wow. Whatever J school gave James his degree, it was worth the tuition in witticisms alone.