Scandal Recap: The Book of Eli

The winter finale was stone-cold crazy, with Papa Pope reading Fitz, Sally getting a do-over and Cyrus practically quoting Jagged Edge lyrics.

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What is Papa Pope’s response? Unfortunately, it’s not the fade, but that’s only because he’s handcuffed. Instead he dresses Fitz down with a verbal onslaught so vitriolic, I actually winced. Here are Papa Pope’s five best comebacks to Fitz’s low blow.

“Boy” x 6. Fitz, the president of the United States, was called a “boy” by Papa Pope six times.

“I was the first in my family to go to college.” Translation, Papa Pope started from the bottom. Now he’s here, so bring it, because as a black man in the United States, he wasn’t born into a legacy of scholastic achievement; he had to earn it.

“You can talk about what a great lay she is to try and get a response out of me all you want, but I’m actually, quite literally, above your pay grade.” WELP! A quick Google search on how much the president makes reveals that Fitz is banking a cool $400K annually for sitting in the Oval Office, but to Papa Pope, that’s chump change. He doesn’t say how much he makes, but it doesn’t matter. Let them go to a strip club together, and Fitz doesn’t want it with Papa Pope.

“She is always going to be the formidable Olivia Pope.” Today, a nation of women may be dancing to Beyoncé, but they’re calling themselves formidable. Go on ladies, with your formidable selves.

“You disappoint me as a suitor for my daughter’s hand.” This was where I stood up and got my Kenny Smith on.

Apology, by Cyrus Beene

Last week, James told Cyrus he wanted a divorce, and for the first time. Of course we all expected Cyrus to be like, “Fine then, be out!” But to our surprise, we learn in this week’s episode that Cyrus, the self-proclaimed “devil” with "666" tattooed on his forehead, has a heart. He tries to stop James from leaving and in doing so, he pulls out every emotional, baby-please-don’t-leave-me cliché in the book. His apology and attempt to keep James from leaving him sound like a bunch of Jagged Edge songs cobbled together—to the point where I want us to all play a game:

Below are three lines. One of them is a Jagged Edge lyric, and the others are from Cyrus’ apology. Can you guess which are which?

A. Do you wanna not love me anymore, because I still love you.”