Back Off When Your Male Friend Has a New Woman

Ask Demetria: It may not seem fair because you’ve known him longer, but his romantic relationship comes first.


It also helps if you’re just overall considerate of the new relationship, even when it’s inconvenient. In addition to curbing the time of day and amount you call, be mindful to ask, “Are you with so-and-so? Tell her I said ‘hi’, ” or if you want to hang out with your friend, extend the invite to his significant other. I find those two small gestures can go a very long way in making a new girlfriend more comfortable, and more importantly, less paranoid, if at all, about any friendship with her man.

This strategy has worked exceptionally well for me, as even though I’m not friends per se with his wife, she’s seen that I’ve always respected their relationship. For instance, the last time my bestie and his wife were coming to New York for the weekend, she made plans to do a whirlwind shopping trip with her sister.

He’s not the type of guy to tag along for a girls’ day. He asked her, “What am I supposed to do then?”

She looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Doesn’t Demetria live in Brooklyn? Why can’t you go hang out with her?”

Good luck!

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at