Moms and Sons: Redefining ‘Momma’s Boy’

If "momma's boy" means thoughtful, independent and well-mannered, then that's what I want my son to be.

Christy Oglesby and her son, Drew, a quintessential gentleman
Christy Oglesby and her son, Drew, a quintessential gentleman Courtesy of CHRISTY OGLESBY

Over the years, I’ve reminded Drew of what my expectations are. It warms my heart when, after every meal I place on the table, he automatically and authentically says, “Thank you, Mom.” Sometimes, just before my lips part, he says: “I know, Mom. Make sure I tell my wife I appreciate her cooking.” 

And although she never knew it, a woman at my former church is behind that instruction to my son. Because shortly after a nurse put my 7-pound, 4-ounce bundle in my arms, I knew that I wanted him to become her brand of “momma’s boy.” 

That’s what I think a man should be.

Everything about that woman in my church exuded regal. The way her shoulders naturally fell backward, her stately gait, genteel manners and slight, confident lift to the chin on her smooth almond-colored face said royalty. 

But more than anything, it was the way that her sons treated her that sealed my opinion of her as a queen.

Those four men redefined “momma’s boy” for me. They’re far from the weak, fawning, grow-a-pair-already Michael J character in Steve’s Harvey’s Think Like a Man, who made me, and every other woman, want to slap him and his controlling mother.

No, these four men portrayed strong character, independent thinking, savvy career planning, financial stability and unquestionable confidence. What was more evident was their deep, sacrificial love for their mom, and how that extended to how they regarded all women. Whatever she had done raising four towering boys alone, it sure looked to me like she did it right.

I never saw her touch a door when they were present. After every church service, they found their way to her. If ever I was in earshot, I’d hear inquiries about an event in her week or their intent to help solve a challenge for her. The words, like the looks, were always warm, loving, protective.

Years later, one of her sons, a contractor, was working on my house. He told me a story that continues to resonate with me and validated my assumptions about their relationship. Their mom had asked one of the brothers to handle a small kitchen repair. The result was a complete remodel for the outdated space, compliments of all of them.