Sandwiches for a Ring: Desperate Move?

Ask Demetria: People who are angry over a woman's culinary efforts to get married are missing the point.

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All day yesterday, I read tweets and Facebook updates from people who, like you, were practically enraged over this article because of the way it confirmed the old adage "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach," and that seemed like antiquated advice for the modern woman.

If you want something to be upset over about the article, there's reason to tilt your head. But it has nothing to do with the cooking aspect. I raised my eyebrows after she explained how her boyfriend dangled a metaphoric carrot in front of her when he said, "Honey, you're 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring!" To be frank, setting that condition for marrying her seemed crass to me.

Maybe he was joking, but the author took the bait and began calculating how long it would take before she could begin planning a wedding. She whipped herself into a frenzy in a race to get the ring before the deadline she set for herself. That seemed a tad desperate.

She, like many readers, seemed to miss the point and calculated that it was the "cooking" that suddenly made her wife material. That wasn't the core takeaway, and thankfully, she eventually got what that was. 

I'm sure her sandwiches are delicious, but when she gets a ring, it will be because she took an interest in his passion. She began sharing in an essential household duty. And most important, she paid attention to his wants and put effort into making him happy. Cooking can also be a symbol of that, too.

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

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