In our society, marriage equals monogamy, but Danielle T. Pointdujour says in a piece for Ebony that she wants to buck the trend and have an open marriage. However, she’s concerned that her marriage will be on the rocks if her husband doesn’t want to take the plunge.
Most women I know are the selfish, jealous type. Scratch that. Most women I know are subscribers to the traditional fairy tale life. Or maybe they’re a little of both. Either way, I’ve never fit in those categories. Since my hormones started raging in high school it always puzzled me how men and women could be faithful to just one person when there are so many beautiful people in the world. Why have one type of dessert for the rest of your life, when you could have a variety?! Alas, despite my fantasies, I have stuck to the script and been the good fairytale wife I should be. Sigh.
Growing up, my life was pretty normal, My parents have been married for almost 50 years and the same rings true for most of my aunts, uncles and the neighbors I had as a kid. So no, I didn’t grow up in some dysfunctional home that shaped my views on relationships and caused me to seek out this alternative path. It was actually quite the opposite and for a while, I thought it was what I wanted. I used to be that type, the ‘one man woman, I ain’t sharing, he’s all mine’ type. For most of my life, I only dated and slept with one man at a time and I was so committed to monogamy that I even settled down, married had kids, the white picket fence and all. My husband is great; he’s a loving husband, father and son. The type of guy that sisters who read those “42% of Black women have never married” articles dream of meeting. But after nearly 15 years of marriage and fighting to keep my true desires a secret, I’m ready for a change.
I’ve always wanted an open marriage, but it’s not exactly something that’s acceptable in society. It’s a taboo subject that’s met with judgment filled side-eyes and “Hell nos,” Bible thumping and shame. We’re told that monogamy is the only way and anything else is a crazy sin, an affront to God.
Read Danielle T. Pointdujour’s entire piece at Ebony.
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