(The Root) — At some point every child does something to disappoint a parent. It may be a poor grade, a questionable romantic choice or, in some cases, getting into legal trouble. But for some parents such deeds pale in comparison to the shame and embarrassment a child may bring upon the family through his words, particularly when the words are hate speech. Which raises the question: Who is ultimately to blame if a young person engages in hate speech?
There have recently been a number of cases in which the children of high-profile people have engaged in racist and homophobic language. In the most recent incident, caught on video, Academy Award winner Sean Penn’s son Hopper called an aggressive member of the paparazzi both the n-word and a homophobic slur. Last week, the son of New York’s fire commissioner was forced to resign his post as an EMT because of racist, anti-Semitic and homophobic tweets.
Then there is white supremacist Evan Ebel, who was named as the gunman in the killing of Colorado Department of Corrections prisons head Tom Clements. Multiple news reports allege that Ebel’s upbringing was contradictory to both his eventual life of crime and as an avowed racist. Sean Penn has been an outspoken supporter of gay rights, winning an Oscar for his portrayal of gay political trailblazer Harvey Milk. Meanwhile, Fire Commissioner Salvatore Cassano had claimed that diversifying the racial makeup of the FDNY is a priority of his leadership.
So who is to blame for the offensive behavior of their offspring?
When asked to assess the role of parents in shaping racial attitudes, therapist Dr. Jeff Gardere explained, “They play an extremely important role, because they are the role models. In addition, studies show that as much as teenagers want to be different from their parents, they always drift back to the ideals and morals of their parents.” When it comes to racist language he said, “Usually they have heard it at home. Even if not the specific language, at least they understand the attitude of the parents and will tend to adopt that.”
Maureen Costello, director of Teaching Tolerance, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center, agrees, but only to a degree. She explained that when it comes to raising a racially tolerant child, what parents actually say can be just as important as leading by example, if not more so.