Buckwheat Unchained

After a long break, we find residents of the Home for Retired Racial Stereotypes building a new wing.

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"What dey are sayin' is dat Tarantino may be a mess, but he sure know how to make movies!" Buckwheat exclaimed. "It ain't every day you see a black character kill all kinda white folk, includin' a mousy white woman, ride off into de sunset and get white folks cheering for him!

"Dat makes Django a rare and endangered species!" Buckwheat continued. "We wants him and Broomhilda to move in here wid us. If they keep ridin' all over the antebellum South causin' mayhem, the paddy rollers are sure to catch 'em!"

"What a laudable notion," I replied in genuine admiration.  "You want to provide them with sanctuary, sort of like the Underground Railroad."

"You got it," Buckwheat continued. "It been a long time since anybody come up with a new racial stereotype like Django! He a lot more creative den dat downtrodden ghetto girl in Precious or dem dysfunctional folks in de Big Momma movies!"

"Ain't dat the truth," added Kingfish. "Don't nobody know racial stereotypes like Buckwheat, and I knows racial stereotypes! And Django is a stereotype's kinda stereotype! He belong here with de otha' truly seminal clichés like us! He and Broomhilda will be right at home!"

"Dat's right," Buckwheat chimed in. "All of us is changin' our names to help dem feel comf'table when dey gets here! From now on you can call me DBuckwheat, and dis here is DKingfish."

"Don't forget dat dee d is silent," added Kingfish. "Now, leave us alone so dat we can get back to work. You done wasted enough of our time."

Jack White, a former columnist for Time magazine, is a freelance writer in Richmond, Virginia.

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is a former columnist for TIME magazine and a regular contributor to The Root.