I'm Celibate: Any Luck Landing a Good Man?

Ask Demetria: If you've closed the cookie jar, find dudes who respect your decision, and buy a vibrator.

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The second type of guy I described isn't any better for you; he just seems like it. He's pushing up, not because he's really all that interested -- it's probably all ego. You've presented a challenge -- something on which some men thrive -- and now he's determined to conquer your, ahem, land and plant his, uh, flag. Though sex is readily available to most men who want it, he will keep up this charade for as long as necessary. Don't be fooled.

What you want is the guy -- the rare one -- whose reaction is something akin to "Oh." Either he's practicing celibacy, too -- yes, men do it -- so your standards aren't a problem, or he's not appalled by your answer but just was not prepared for that one. He likes you, he needs to think about it and get back to you on that. If he shows up again, same as always and willing to see where it goes, he's the one you should invest energy in getting to know better.

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

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