Should I Wait for a Man to Find Me?

Ask Demetria: Don't give up on your "cutie runs." Praying for a mate is not the answer.

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(The Root) --

"All of my friends say, 'Wait on God to send you a man. He who findeth a wife finds a good thing.' They feel that my 'cutie runs' show that I am searching for a guy. I just think I'm showing guys that I am approachable and let them do the rest. Thoughts?" --B.E.

One of my favorite films is Eat Pray Love, starring Julia Roberts. If you haven't seen it or read the book, loosely, it's about a woman who isn't happy with the life she has and actively decides to do something different to create the one she wants.

I love the scene in the movie when Roberts' character recalls a story about a guy pleading with a saint to help him hit the lottery. The story goes, "A poor man goes to church every day and prays in front of a statue of a great saint, begging, 'Dear Saint -- please, please, please let me win the lottery! Finally, one day the exasperated statue of the saint comes to life, looks down upon the man and says, "My son -- please, please, please buy a ticket!"

When it comes to dating, my mantra is, "God helps those who help themselves." Wanting to be married and then spending all your time at work, hiding in the back of the party with your group of girlfriends or refusing to so much as say hello to a man is akin to wanting a job but never bothering to send a résumé or tell anyone you're looking for work.

If you're a Christian -- which, if you're quoting Proverbs in conjunction with dating, you likely are -- then you believe that God is capable of miracles. It will take one to get married if you refuse to put forth any effort to do so.

I've never understood this sit-back-and-do-nothing approach. In every other aspect of life, women seem to understand that they need to expend some energy. Degrees aren't handed down; they are earned. Promotions don't just appear; you strategize to get them. Money doesn't fall from the sky; you work for it. Meeting high-quality men, dating and marrying are not exceptions to the rule.

The "cutie run" is a term I crafted to describe a practically foolproof method for women to meet potential mates. At its core, it's the same way you meet people at networking events. I've just applied it to dating and suggested that women treat the entire world like one large networking event.

When you see someone you find attractive or who looks interesting, you smile, say hello and pay a compliment (about literally anything) or ask a question. It helps you appear friendly and, as you said, approachable. You can literally try it anytime, since you're looking to meet men.

Women have "off" times when we don't like to be approached. Guys? Not so much. If he finds you remotely attractive, there is no such thing as off-hours, and he will gladly engage you in conversation. If that goes well and he is available, give him your contact information so he can ask you out and get to know you better.

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