Should I Bar His Kin From Our Wedding?

Ask Demetria: Even if his family member pissed you off, try not to turn into a bridezilla.

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Don’t worry so much about the godsister. If you insist on being annoyed by her actions, be cordial when you see her, and keep the conversation light. That’s the extent of your revenge. 

Your bridezilla-esque threat to not invite a close friend of the family to your wedding is familiar. I’ve heard similar rantings from a few brides-to-be who seek my counsel. For many women, their wedding is the first big event they oversee, and some of them go on a complete power trip when they get control of a guest list. Never did I think I would pull out a Voltaire quote to help solve a relationship issue, but it’s apropos to remind you: “With great power comes great responsibility.”

The idea of not informing your fiance’s godsister about plans for the wedding and/or not inviting her is childish and ludicrous. If she’s a “godsister,” that likely means her mother and one of your man’s parents are extremely close. She’s going to know the details of the wedding, at the very least through her mother, and be at all the major events because she is the closest thing to family without being actual blood.

Do understand that not to invite her to your wedding is the equivalent of declaring World War III with your fiance’s family. At the very least, the godsister will be upset, her mother will be upset and so will your fiance’s mother. Your fiance probably will be, too, because the most important women in his life are causing him drama.

Because you consider the godsister “messy” is no reason to go create a bigger mess just because you can. So we’re clear: That is a horrible way to start off a marriage, if you can even make it down the aisle after essentially causing such a huge rift between your fiance and his family and your fiance and yourself.

You’re talking about getting married, taking on someone and his family as your own. It’s a long life, and there will be plenty of family drama to come if you just like to see fireworks. It’s the nature of families. Starting now, be smart enough to choose your battles wisely.

Good luck!

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

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