Why Isn't My BFF Happy for Me?

Ask Demetria: Even if homegirl yawned when you shared your engagement news, don't assume too much.

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Years and years ago I attended the wedding of a family friend. I was barely 21, not remotely thinking about marriage and all caught up in how cute the garden wedding looked. I listened passively as the couple recited the traditional vows.

I was startled when the minister stepped forward to ask the audience to pledge that when "this woman," the bride, called at 2 a.m. ranting about what her "so-and-so" husband did that had led her to believe he'd lost his mind, we were to listen and help her solve the problem, not agitate and make things worse. And when the husband appeared all riled up about whatever his wife had done that was driving him crazy, we were to listen and help him find a resolution, not add a battery to his back. In short, we were to support their union, and if we were unable to do so, then we should just listen.

That support system, the one that so many of us who have it take for granted, is so very necessary. I suggest, as you embark on this new and exciting adventure, that you take stock of your friends: those who are in your corner and will uplift you (even if they don't agree with but still respect your choice) and those who will drag you down.

Good luck!

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

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