Should I Take X-Rated Photos for My Man?

Ask Demetria: If he wants to see your naked body, think twice or you might get Instagrammed.


So you know, a high-profile job isn’t the only place where sexy pics can come back to haunt you and have a career-altering (or ruinous) effect. Consider the case of Tiffany Webb, 37, a New York City guidance counselor who was fired last December because of racy photos she had taken between the ages of 18 and 20. The termination occurred just days before she was set to get a tenured position, which would have guaranteed her a salary of $84,200.

The images of her in lingerie and bikinis were professionally done, not leaked by an ex, but the consequences of her sexy photos more than a decade later are just the same. Webb’s images recently popped up on seedy sites like Mo Girls Entertainment and Showgirlz Exclusive. She is now suing the Department of Education in Brooklyn Supreme Court, seeking reinstatement, back pay and punitive damages.

I suggest that you tell your boyfriend no in response to his request for pictures. If he needs a visual, invite him to come by and have a long look at you. He can even touch, which will make it more fun for both of you. That should get you off the hook and will help him imprint the memory of your curves on his brain. Whenever his mind’s eye starts to fade, invite him back for another session.

If you still decide to send him pictures, don’t worry so much about your body. Surely at this point he’s seen it before, and if he’s asking for photos, you can be confident that he likes what he sees. But do make sure you take pictures the smart way. That means your face and any other identifying details like tattoos, scars, hair or unique backgrounds shouldn’t be in the shot. If — and really, when — the photos get out, you want to have plausible deniability that the image in question is of you.

Also, keep it classy. It’s more titillating for your partner to see you completely naked, bent over or spread-eagled, but the goal of your pictures should be to ignite a desire for him to show up in person to see more of you. Don’t give everything away in one shot.

Good luck!

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at