This week, “modern-day matchmaker” Paul Carrick Brunson spoke to the Huffington Post about his advice for finding and nurturing healthy relationships, including what he’s learned from his own marriage, experts, social networking dialogues and in-person events around the country.
Anyone put off by the “think like a man“ advice of ubiquitous and underqualified self-proclaimed black relationship gurus will be pleased to read that Brunson’s take on dating seems to go beyond quick-fix gimmicks to integrate psychology and actual data (imagine that!), as well as a suggestion that we reframe cliché conversation about African Americans and love.
Jessica Cumberbatch Anderson asked him about his tips, his own marriage and his appropriately titled new book, It’s Complicated. Here’s an excerpt:
What do you think the biggest issues or hang-ups are among African-American men and women that are keeping this conversation from evolving?
Like many people, I’m tired of that conversation, “Why can’t black women find anyone?” The reason why we’re so tired of it, but why, at the same time, the conversation is evolving is [because] you have to remove the “black” out of it. Truth be told, everyone, and I mean every ethnic group, has been facing substantial changes as it relates to relationships. When you really dig down into the data and look at shear numbers … there are more white women that are single in this country than black women. That’s not talked about.
When you look at another part of the conversation — black men always dating outside the race — [you’ll find that] black men date outside of the race at lower rates than other ethnic groups, such as Asians. So part of how we get out of that conversation, and how we evolve to another level of more effective conversation, is by looking at some of the real data points outside of our ethnic group. Let’s really look at our psychology. We have literally one out of three daters that are single parents. It significantly challenges how you interact with someone when you have a child. Let’s talk about real substance … real substantive points that can make you effective in your relationships.
Read more at the Huffington Post.