For some married couples, infidelity is cause for divorce, but Ebony columnists and newlyweds The Lovers Rocque say that’s the wrong response. Instead, Mrs. Rocque writes that the reasons a partner in a long-term commitment might find comfort elsewhere would give her pause before firing her mate.
Infidelity is obviously a breach of trust and a potential risk to a lover’s health but there are other variables to consider when deciding whether to stay with a wandering partner or not. It has never happened to me, as far as I know, and though I am a cynic I don’t believe that everyone does it. I understand that sometimes you can be staunchly for or against a hypothetical scenario but life likes to improvise and when that happens, your reaction may surprise or enlighten you. The hubby and I had a discussion about cheating before we were married (it was just a casual conversation that came up), and were surprisingly on the same page. Our conclusion was that it wouldn’t be an automatic deal breaker for our marriage. Here’s why:
Infidelity is selfish but it can also be misguided. You have to look at the individual circumstances. Were there problems in the marriage that caused someone to lose self-control because they thought the grass on the other side would make them feel better? Was the person always trifling and never really cared about the sanctity of marriage anyway? What type of cheating was it, cyber, emotional, physical? I’m not saying to stay with a chronic cheater, because that’s obviously a major problem, but some cheaters really do feel remorse and realize their mistake—sadly after the fact—but that could be a blessing in disguise for a relationship if the couple can work through it.
Vows actually mean something, but people get selective about the phrase, “For better or for worse,” and choose not to think about the fact that times might actually get hard.
Read The Lovers Rocque’s entire piece at Ebony.
The Root aims to foster and advance conversations about issues relevant to the black Diaspora by presenting a variety of opinions from all perspectives, whether or not those opinions are shared by our editorial staff.