(The Root) — He’s baaaaaaaaccck! In last night’s Single Ladies episode, “Fast Love,” Malcolm (D.B. Woodside) charged back into Keisha’s (LisaRaye McCoy) life, despite his girlfriend Taylor’s stern command to ditch Miss Green and leave her in the past. But Malcolm just can’t stay away, claiming he missed her “smart mouth” and “attitude.” He wants to make things right with her and starts off by offering a realty listing for a high-priced mansion. But what will Taylor do?
“You’re important enough to me that I’m willing to piss her off to have you back in my life,” Malcolm tells her.
As the ladies — and Omar — dish about their beaus, April (Charity Shea) says she’s ready to take her relationship with Reggie to the next level. It’s her first new sex partner since her divorce, so she wants everything to be perfect. Raquel hasn’t “done the do” with Charles yet, either. Omar (Travis Winfrey) met a new guy at the Laundromat, and his new beau is so gaga over him that he’s already posting pictures of their dates to Facebook. And just as they try to get Keisha to dish about her and Sean (Terrell Tilford), Malcolm walks in and mouths drop. Keisha tells them that it’s strictly business, but it looks like it’s more than money that has put that twinkle back in her eye.
On an at-home dinner date, things start to get a little steamy while Charles and Raquel jump on the bed. But these two monkeys don’t take it as far as Raquel would have liked. Charles pumps the brakes because he says he wants to experience their first time as sober, fully aware adults.
April makes tonight the night for her and Reggie after reading up on a few hot sex moves to make on him. But things are a bit rocky in their bed, too. She has to fake an orgasm after they never get in sync in the sack. He’s jackrabbit Reggie while she lies there, wishing it would end soon. Ouch.
But this wasn’t the only awkward moment of the episode. Morgan, the new sales assistant, is having a hard time relating to customers. She tells a handsome guy buying $500 worth of merchandise that he’s lucky he’s cute because he’s not too smart. (He couldn’t figure out 10 percent of $500.) And then later she mistakes a plus-size shopper for a pregnant woman.
At Franks’ Jewels, Malcolm’s family business, Keisha and Malcolm meet up to discuss the upcoming grand-estate auction. But in walks Taylor, who is none too pleased to see them together. Malcolm quickly sets Taylor straight, saying that he’s keeping Keisha around and that she has to accept that they will always be good friends. Keisha, again, seems to be able to wrap Malcolm around her pinky finger. Or perhaps is it the other way around?
As sexy as Single Ladies can be, this episode was full of unfortunate sex scenes. Poor April. She has another bad round in bed with Reggie and blurts out that she faked it with him the night before. Reggie lets his ego get the best of him and quickly dips out. Apparently the truth hurts. As for Raquel’s attempt to woo Charles into the bed, she’s unpleasantly surprised — in a red bustier and lace panties — when Charles brings his old college roommate by for dinner. That nightcap was over before it even started.
Queen Latifah returns in this episode as Sharon Love, a talk-show host, bidding on the listing at Keisha’s auction. She doesn’t show any interest in the house — but shows plenty of admiration for Malcolm — until Laila Twilight, Sharon’s former bandmate (Paula Patton), decides to make a bid. A bidding war ensues near the pool, the ladies’ feud escalates, earrings are removed, heels are kicked off and Laila reps her hood. “Don’t let the light skin fool you. I’m still from South Philly,” she says.
Through all the commotion and threats of a girl fight, Malcolm and Keisha fall into the pool and are able to (briefly) laugh off the messy auction. But those grins are quickly turned upside down when Taylor walks up to the side of the pool with a scowl fit for a woman scorned. After all the fuss, Sharon and Laila work out their differences, but it only leaves Keisha with a jacked-up hairdo, empty pockets and an unsold mansion.
Reggie and April finally sit down to talk over their sex problems. Of course, he still doesn’t see why she can’t get it together and wants to know what’s wrong with her. But after a few sex-and-weightlifting analogies, they head back to April’s apartment and promptly get it on — as she teaches him how to tease and please her in bed. Job well done, April. Tell that man what you want and how you want it.
After taking a day off for feeling “sick,” Omar returns to the boutique and gets caught up in his lie, since his new beau, Tom, has posted and tagged him in a bunch of Facebook pictures at Six Flags. (He promptly “delete, delete, deletes” him.) Then Taylor shows up at the boutique to share a few words with Keisha. “Whoever said love is blind was dead wrong. Because I see what’s going on here. You have a hold on him. Still.” Keisha promises Taylor that she has nothing to worry about, but it’s clear that Malcolm still has a place in her heart.
Raquel finally gets down to the nitty-gritty with Charles and asks why he’s been holding out on sex. He says he was trying to build anticipation, but she has had enough. So Charles gives in and introduces her to tantric sex. And while she giggles at the beginning, things quickly get hot and heavy. Bravo, VH1, for pushing the limit on how much sexiness we see on cable TV. It’s just enough but almost too much, and we can’t look away. With that last scene, the network was almost Cinemax Lite. And we can’t say we’re mad about that at all.
Erin E. Evans is a writer in New York. Follow her on Twitter.