Can I Date During My Divorce?

Ask Demetria: After you call time on your marriage, it's probably best to get back out there slowly.

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Since you’re looking to be taken “seriously” by women, that means you’re not dating just for kicks, and you may be considering remarrying. A recent survey of 2,000 newly divorced people found that nearly 50 percent of divorced men were hoping to repeat their trip down the aisle.

You should know that two-thirds of second marriages fail. That’s not to discourage you from believing in a second chance at love; it’s to warn you not to rush into anything “serious” too soon. It’s imperative that you take this time to do a personal assessment of yourself and what led to the demise of your marriage so that you don’t repeat those mistakes as you move forward.

A sensible woman will require your divorce to be final in order to take you seriously. You may have the best intentions to form a new relationship and end your marriage (in that order), but as I stated before: It ain’t over just yet.

You honestly don’t want the type of woman who is OK with dating a married man. You are legally committed to someone else, and if there’s a lady who knows that and still thinks, “Oooh! He’s a catch,” she has a whole host of issues — whether she knows it or not — that won’t benefit your well-being down the line, or even now.

You are worried about what a potential dating partner may feel, but you should also want to keep in mind how your still-current spouse may react to your exploring new options now. Dating before your marriage is terminated may upset your otherwise reasonable future ex and make her (more) unreasonable while you’re trying to negotiate custody arrangements or the division of assets.

Your desire for companionship at this particular time could cost you a lot — literally and figuratively. Try to sit still a while longer. Let your desire to move on motivate you to wrap up your marriage quickly by focusing on what’s really important in divorce negotiations.

Good luck!

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

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